I have people on a fairly regular basis remind me to keep a journal during this first pregnancy and every time I have this guilty feeling, because what started out as a great journaling blog turned into a failure. I apologize to myself, my baby, and all those who actually read this blog. Can I make one excuse? Kindergarten is sucking my life away!! Who has time to journal and blog when they spend every moment of their life enslaved to 27 five year olds? (Whom I do quite enjoy most the time so I guess I can't really call it enslavement, but you catch my drift). Anyway, here we go, my attempt at an update.
I am 38 weeks and one day today. As of my last doctor's appt (which was 5 days ago) I am 50% effaced, not dilated, the baby is still -3 centimeters from the birth canal (which apparently means the baby has yet to drop), the head is down, although his back is on my left side with his feet and hands poking into my right side, and I am measuring at 35 -36 centimeters. The heartbeat sounds strong and regular and all looks well. I've been having braxton hicks contractions fairly often that are completely painless and the only reason I notice is if I put my hand on my stomach. I still hardly waddle and for the most part feel really good for a 38 week pregnant woman. Tums have become part of my nightly routine and occasionally sneak into my day time one as well. I wake up often during the night for bathroom trips as this baby's favorite spot is my bladder, or to turn over. If he's not on my bladder, he likes to ball up as high as he can under my ribs so that I wake up to some uncomfortable back and side pain. But really, I feel good. I go to school every day and I can walk, I'm not too tired, I have a decent amount of energy - I'm happy. The misery of third trimesterdom has really not hit me that bad. I keep expecting it to get worse as they say its the misery that makes the labor and delivery almost a relief. Right now, I would say that I could hold off on the pushing and contracting for a while longer yet. Speaking of labor and delivery - I am scared out of my mind!! It still seems so unreal to me that I will actually have to get this baby out. The nesting instinct has yet to hit, I still haven't packed my hospital bag, the nursery is not done, the bassinet is still in a box, as is the stroller and carseat, all the shower gifts are still in their bags with tags on, surprisingly we do have diapers and wipes, but that is pretty much it. I'm in denial. I try to picture and imagine it, but all I see is a woman in the hospital bed with no face. I just can't get my face on there. I think at the onset of labor I will be in complete denial (well that or complete panic mode). I've watched live birth videos and they make me slightly sick. That's going to be me??? I can't even fathom. My only comfort is that millions of women do it, my friends have all done it, my mom, grandmas, aunts, cousins, and such have all done it. They all survived. I will too . . . . right? Am I afraid of the pain? Yes. Am I afraid of complications? Eh somewhat. Am I afraid of the unknown? I guess that's it exactly. This the unknown. I've never done this. I have no idea what it will be like, feel like, how long it will take, what to expect, nothing. I guess we just wait and see. Not too much longer.
In other news, we have FINALLY settled on a full name. Drum roll please. Our baby will forever be known as Tyler John Andreasen. YAY!! A name!! And now that I have actually written it all out for the first time, I like it even more. Looks good, looks professional, looks solid and steadfast. As some of you know, Mark had picked out Ty, or Tyler, a while ago and as it grew on me I decided it was a good fit and thus we had a first name. The middle name proved to be much more difficult than the first. We had decided that we wanted a J name for reasons I can't remember. I think just because a J name sounded good with Tyler. I don't know. We had thrown around James and Jordan. Mark just wanted flat out J or Jay which I would not even consider. Anyway, in kindergarten last quarter, we did a name project and as part of that project we sent home papers for the parents to fill out about how their child got their name, who named them, if they were named after anyone, any special meanings or reasons, etc. And as I read those papers as they came back I realized that my son had nothing special in his name, aside from the fact that it was his name and his daddy picked it out. Tyler means tile layer - woopee. Nothing really special there. He wasn't named after anyone. It was just a name we liked. So I sent myself on a mission to get my son a name to be proud of! I played around with Tyler Mark or Tyler David after Mark, but for some reason Mark really didn't want that. I threw around names that had meaning like Wyatt or James, but still nothing. Nothing felt right. Then finally I was talking to someone (I forget who) and they mentioned my dad's name - Thomas. Tyler Thomas...uh no. Just say it out loud once and you'll agree. It just doesn't work. But then I thought, what about my dad's middle name - John. Hey! Its a J name, it has a great meaning, and it comes from a great man!! (Apparently it has some ancestral significance too that I have yet to learn). John means God is gracious and it was the name of John the beloved and John the baptist - two of the most loved and respected of Christ's apostles/disciples. But even better to me is that he will have part of my dad's name - one of the best men on earth and a great example to follow! It just hit me how right that name was. It fit perfectly! Mark was good with it and thus a full name was born. I can't wait to try it out on little Tyler John when he is born!
