Special Day

This is a special day because I only felt sick for 2 hours!!!!  Food!  Glorious Food!  I ate today and liked it! 

Ultrasound

Today I went and had my first ultrasound!  The technician was very nice and kept telling me that I can finally cry tears of joy.  She looked around to make sure everything was ok and then showed me this:

I almost did cry tears of joy!  This isn't the best copy.  Mark took a picture of the ultrasound picture with photo booth - so this is a picture of a picture of a picture.  But you can see the little white spot which is the baby!  She even showed me the little heartbeat.  She said I measured at exactly 5 weeks and 5 days, giving me a due date of November 20th - just like I thought.  I am so happy and so grateful that everything is going so well and that the baby seems strong!  Keep the prayers coming!    

In other news, the pregnancy symptoms have definitely begun.  This baby better be strong!  I have morning sickness randomly throughout the day, sometimes all day.  I haven't thrown up yet (knock on wood) and I am thankful for that.  I am pretty much NEVER hungry and only eat because I know I have to - which at times eases the nausea and at other times makes it worse.  I am just waiting for the cravings to kick in (at least then I will want to eat something - even if it is pickles and peanut butter).  I also have a slight bloody nose every morning when I blow my nose, fatigue, moodiness/weepiness (just ask Mark), sore and growing body parts, and gas (even my ultrasound technician commented on my bloatedness)!!  I know - lovely isn't it?  However, I am grateful, because symptoms mean growing baby and I am willing to go through this for a healthy baby.  So there you have it.  Here's to 2 more months of first trimester misery!    

1st Prenatal Appointment

Nothing much to say about this appointment except it was exactly what I expected.  The first appointment is just the fill out the questionnaire, pee in a cup, donate half your blood to testing, and talk to a "prenatal intake nurse" for 30 minutes discussing your next appointments, your concerns, genetic screening, and of course your EDD (estimated due date).  They did assign me a new doctor - a family doctor, but she says she does prenatal and labor and delivery.  So technically she is not an OB.  I told her that I had some complications with my last pregnancy, and she just said, "Well, if they start to repeat themselves we will get you a specialist."  hmm... ok well ok.  What do you say?  The nice thing was that she was really eager today to please me so I got the beta hcg blood test I wanted, even though she said it wasn't necessary, and an ultrasound a week from today, then a week after that, then two weeks after that.  So I should be sitting pretty as far as ultrasounds go.  One more week and I should have some much better and more interesting news and maybe even a picture!  :)       

Second Chances

Day 2 and I am ready to turn myself into an insane asylum for the paranoid pregnant patient.  I told Mark today, "I wish I could go into a coma for the next two months.  That way I wouldn't have to think about this pregnancy or what I am feeling or what I am not feeling.  Just wake me up when we know he/she's alive and well."  I think I literally had a nervous breakdown this morning when a symptom mysteriously disappeared.  I am chalking that one up to the extra hormones.  Guess I can't really judge that psycho Octomom for freaking out when her son went missing and she was pregnant with 8 babies!!!  I'm barely even pregnant with 1 and I went psycho for pretty much no reason whatsoever.  If there was such think as a pregnancy 911 I just might have called it to be reassured that all was well.  So forgive me for my judgement and hypocrisy Octomom (although you are still psycho for numerous other reasons).  Anyway the symptom has returned and I learned via some pregnancy website that symptoms can come and go.  I also had a good long talk with Mark and a good long nap and I feel much better.  So less then 24 hours have passed and I have failed to live up to my motto:  Look unto Me in every thought, doubt not, fear not.  Thank goodness for second chances.        

4 Weeks and Counting

So one of my new, out of control ideas was to take pictures of my ever growing belly.  So here I am at 4 weeks.  Aside from the frightening hair and face, I must say I look pretty good :)  So here's to 9 months of increasing waist size!!

BFP (BIG FAT POSITIVE)

So here's the rundown:  Monday, March 9th, I started feeling my average PMS symptoms, minus a couple and with the addition of a couple new ones - that was actually what got me thinking - could this be it??  By Wednesday I was feeling pretty certain, but restrained myself from taking a test.  Thursday I asked Mark if he thought I could be pregnant - he said, "no."  Hmmmm.  I decided (secretly) to take a test that next morning to see who was right.  So after a sleepless night, I dragged myself out of bed at 4:30 am Friday morning, the 13th, (that's right - today is Friday the 13th - let's not read into that) and took a test.  I couldn't watch.  And then, "Pregnant."  It's real!  It's really happening!  I am pregnant!!    

I decided to play nonchalant and just see when Mark noticed.  I left the test on the bathroom counter where Mark would have to see and went back to bed where I, obviously, still was unable to fall asleep.  So I laid there until my alarm went off at 5:15.  Acting all tired, I rolled out of bed to take a shower.  When I was finished I woke up Mark and got back in bed to read my scriptures.  I kept glancing at the door or straining my ears to see if I could tell if Mark had seen the test and if he even cared.  I sat through his whole shower.  When he finally decided to grace me with is presence, he walked to the space heater and stood there.  Hmph!  Is he really that blind or could he really just not care?  Well fine, two can play this game, I thought.  I kept my eyes down, reading my scriptures, and secretly wondered who would stop this ridiculous showdown first,  HAHA!!  NOT I!!  Within a minute Mark was running at me like a linebacker.  I covered my stomach (I am already very protective) and waited for the tackle.  He jumped on the bed, hugged and kissed me, and said, "When were you planning on telling me, huh?"  It was beyond the response I expected and I was ecstatic!  If anyone knows Mark, they know that he isn't into big showy expressions of emotion and believe me, this was a bit abnormal for Mark - especially it having to do with pregnancy.  He has been extremely patient with my obsession, but I have felt it wear on his nerves a bit.  So needless to say, the excitement that I saw in his face and the love that he showed made my day even better!  We continued our morning ritual, the drive to work, the drive home from work, and our evening together discussing this new addition to our lives.  What about work?  Money?  Will we need a new car?  We need a fence.  We still have time for that.  Do you want grass?  We're jumping ahead of ourselves here.  Hey are you scared?  What if something bad happens?  This will be good.  Don't worry.  When should we tell people?  When should I call the dr?  Should we switch insurance?  Take a picture of me.  You are out of control.  Eat up, you are eating for two.  You started a blog?  Again, you are out of control.  Did you take your prenatal vitamins?  I don't want a deformed kid.  Will you give me a blessing?  I have to go to the bathroom again.  Etc etc etc.  Anyway, I have decided that I wanted to document this first pregnancy.  If something happens then it happens and I will document that too.  For now, I am excited to find the humorous, the joyful, and maybe the nerve racking and scary aspects of this new adventure in our lives.  Mark may think I am out of control, and I just may be, but hopefully someday we will look back on this and laugh and cry and remember.          

An Introduction (of sorts)

Most the people reading this blog will know that this past August, Mark and I found out we were pregnant after 5 months of trying (and a year more of me just wanting to try).  At the time we were currently moving into a new house and I was ecstatic!  I felt beyond grateful for the blessings in my life - a wonderful husband, good jobs, a new house, and a baby on the way!  What more could I ask for?  However, before the pregnancy could even get underway, I began feeling uneasy and worried.  People told me I was being paranoid and that more than likely everything would be perfect.  I struggled to agree and find the peace I earned for.  A week and a half into my pregnancy I started bleeding and after days of bad news, and moments of miracles, we lost the baby.  I was devastated, but knew that I could turn to the Lord for healing.  

The complications of the miscarriage made it so we were given a waiting period before we could try again.  Finally by the end of December we were given the go ahead and I launched into it with reckless abandon - ovulation tests, daily temperature taking, chart reading, day counting, research, you name it - I was involved.  However, after two months of let down I was done.  I was sick of counting, testing, and charting.  I was sick of the obsession.  I told Mark, "That's it - no more of this nonsense.  We are going to live our lives like normal people." And so I embarked on my new journey of independence.  I tossed the tests, hid the thermometer, and refused to write the days of my cycle on the calendar.  I began to plan a summer trip, agreed to work full time teaching kindergarten next year, tried to spend more time with Mark, and less time thinking about myself and believe it or not - it was working!  I was happy, I felt fulfilled, I was ok.  And sure enough, this is the month it happens!  After I don't know how many people told me that the sooner I got on with my life, the sooner I would get pregnant - here I am - pregnant!  Am I still worried?  You better believe it.  But I am trying to put my trust in Heavenly Father and leave that burden to him.  I know that I could lose this one too.  I know there could be complications again.  And for that reason Mark and I are being a bit more cautious and are keeping this wonderful blessing to ourselves for the time being.  However, I am also aware that more likely than not, this pregnancy will be fine and that the baby will be healthy and normal.  And I am striving to give up that worry and just have faith.  Today in my scriptures I read in D&C 6 where it says, "Look unto Me in every thought; doubt not, fear not."  There were several other good verses and stories, but that is my new motto!  So, here we go!  Our adventure to parenthood begins!