Ultrasound - - - Again

This baby is destined to give me premature gray hair. First, and far less important, my literal pain in the bum became almost incapacitating yesterday. Everything was fine in the morning, but at some point in the afternoon I did something that did something to my pelvic bone that made every single movement nearly unbearable. I spent the evening in tears as I tried to do things that only amounted to more pain. The tears continued as I was unable to do something as simple as lift my baby onto the couch to cuddle with me. Mark had to take over and do all the night time routines and put Tyler to bed. It's amazing what all of a sudden becomes important when you can't do it anymore. There were definitely nights previous to this that I wished Mark would take over so I could relax. Last night I realized how much it meant to me that I could be the one to brush Tyler's teeth, read him a story, sing him a song, rock him, and put him to bed with a kiss. I just cried and cried as I listened to Mark do it. So some of it was probably the hormones, but I started imagining what the next 8 weeks would be like if I couldn't do all the things that I was used to doing. That, obviously, brought on more tears. I finally went to bed to mope in my misery. It was some point after this that a streak of stubborness finally kicked in. I have 8 more weeks of this pregnancy, give or take, and I will not live like this. So I started practicing how to move, how to support my pelvic bone and tail bone so that the pain wasn't as severe. I also asked Mark for a blessing and prayed my own little heart out that I would be able to persevere through this and be blessed to know how to manage so I could still be my baby's mommy. This morning, though still in pain, things are better. I have learned a few new techniques that allow me to move more freely. I am so grateful that so far I am still able to get around and, for the most part, do things. I've even been able to pick up Tyler and play with him - albeit in a slightly modified manner. I hope that I will continue to learn and be able to work through this.

Now for the other news. I had a regular prenatal appt today and I had planned on focusing the majority of my appt on my pelvic pain and what to do about that. Well, she had other plans. The second the doctor started measuring and doing the outside palpations I could tell he was concerned. My heart sank - what now? He asked me how big Tyler had been at birth, how tall Mark and I were, how her movements were. He then told me that from his guess and measurements she was measuring small for her gestational age. He wanted me to go in for another ultrasound to check her growth and the amniotic fluid level. The water works were about to start up again. ANOTHER ultrasound? My little heart can't handle anymore scares with her! My immediate thought went back to my level II ultrasound that I had had earlier. Isn't measuring small a marker for all the defects they had been looking for then? Had they missed something? Was something actually wrong with her? As my mind swam, the doctor continued to tell me that it was a small suspicion since she was still moving well, but he wanted to make sure. ANd even if she did measure small, chances were she was just a small baby. So he left and I gathered my things all of a sudden horrifically aware of how menial my stupid pelvic pain was. Who cares about me! UGH! Life has a way of showing you what's most important when you start whining about something that's not. Anyway, pretty much what they are looking for is a problem called IUGR - intrauterine growth restriction. It could mean so many things it makes me want to scream. It could be nothing more than a small baby or on the other hand it could be a chromosomal defect (like the ones they were looking for earlier) or a problem with the placenta. It could also be something related to my health, but I don't smoke or drink and I don't have any of the pregnancy induced health risks such as hypertension, diabetes, etc etc - so most likely its one of the other three options. Now I just wait - - again. They said they'd call me within the next 72 hours to schedule my ultrasound, so I have no idea when it's going to be. Hopefully soon. And hopefully, like last time, it's with a doctor rather than a technician so I can find out DURING the ultrasound what's going on rather than having to wait longer for someone to call me and tell me. I am so ready to have her and have all this drama over with! I know there are different things to worry about once she's here and believe me if there is something to worry about, I'll find it. But I just want her here! Not early of course, but I just want the next 8 weeks or so to go by fast. I pray that she's just small and that everything is fine!