So sick!!!!

Waaaah!! I can't do this anymore!! Why is this pregnancy so much worse?!?!

8-9 Week Check-up

Today I had my 8-9 week baby check where they check growth, heart rate, and such. I didn't realize how ridiculously anxious I was about it until I left and started having panic attacks in the car! It didn't help that I dry heaved while I was brushing my teeth. Stupid anxiety! My doctor said to expect an increase in the anxiety with the influx of pregnancy hormones and he was right. Luckily, for the most part I'm fine. Driving the hour down to my doctor though is kind of hard. I think it will get a lot better when the nausea goes away, since a lot of my anxiety stems around the fear of throwing up in public or while stuck driving in the car. Anyhoo, the appointment went great as far as baby is concerned! He didn't tell me the exact heart rate, but he said it's much faster. YAY! And the baby is nice and big - looking like a big blob. Actually, I even made out the head, and little arms and legs!! Unfortunately, I forgot the picture on the counter at the doctor's office! UGH! The baby measured at 8 weeks 4 days whereas my last period puts me at 8 weeks 6 days. He said that was nothing and kept my due date at March 31st. The same thing happened with Clara, so I'm not concerned. So everything looks good and my next appointment isn't until October 6th. 6 weeks away!

In other news, I am still feeling sick. Not quite as bad, but still yucky. Some days I feel almost normal, but those days are usually followed by 4 or 5 days of nausea. Any day now it can get better....any day! By now with both Tyler and Clara I felt better. I guess this pregnancy is different...woohoo. My energy is definitely on the upswing though, which helps a lot! At least I can get some things done. All in all things are looking up. 5 more weeks until this trimester is over!!

What Will I Feel Like Today?

My morning/all day sickness is all over the place! I threw up... I actually threw up on Saturday. I have never ever ever thrown up while pregnant until now. It came out of nowhere and scared the poop out of me. Now I'm even more anxious to go anywhere, because now I know I can and do throw up. Then Sunday I felt almost 100% normal. So normal I got a little nervous. Now, Monday, I'm back to feeling nauseous, but so far no throwing up. I just never know what to expect. Six more weeks until this ridiculous 1st trimester is over with!  

It's Back

Just for the record, the sickness came back yesterday. *sigh* Now time to put that faith in action.

Tender Mercy

In contrast with yesterday's post, today's post will be much more positive. I don't know if Heavenly Father could tell I needed a break or some sort of promise that things would get better, but today was light years better than yesterday. I had hardly any nausea or indigestion. My depression lifted! Last night I prayed feeling pretty desperate. Not because I felt sick per se, more because my depression was scarying me. I was afraid that I would fall into the deep pit of depression and have a hard time getting out. I've been there and it is a terrifying, horrible place to be. I was afraid that I would still be depressed even after I felt better. I felt like I was losing control and that scared me. I didn't want to be in that place again....especially while pregnant! So I prayed. I prayed for help to carry the burden of exhaustion and sickness. I prayed for strength and peace. I prayed that physical wellness would bring healing to my mind. I don't think I am done feeling sick, but I was given a day of rest. I was given confirmation that when I physically feel better my mind will follow. I hope I can retain the memory of this day if/when I have more bad days. The Lord is with me! 

Duldrums

Warning! Downer post! I'm 7 weeks and here is how I'm feeling: like crap! I feel sick almost all the time and unlike my previous pregnancies I already have acid reflux and indigestion like crazy! I'm bloated and crampy and gassy and nauseous and exhausted. Today my head felt like it weighed a million pounds. It was so bad I cried. I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of not wanting to but having to eat all the time just to stay in control of the nausea. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being so fatigued that getting off the couch is a chore. I'm tired of my house looking like a bomb went off. I'm just tired. And I still have so much more to go! This pregnancy has been harder than the last two. And I have to admit that all these physical symptoms are really taking a toll on me mentally. I'm depressed (obviously) which makes me feel anxious. I'm still on the Zoloft but it doesn't seem to be touching this hormone induced insanity. I can't look forward or I get overwhelmed at how much time I still have left. I'm hoping that my peace of mind comes back as I start to feel better. Right now I just have to take it a day at a time and pray like crazy to be able to carry this burden well enough that I don't completely neglect my kids. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that this is hormonal and I just have to grin and bear it. I feel so bad writing all this because I am excited and thankful and all that. I just needed to vent. This is hard. Pregnancy is hard. I know it's worth it. I do. And soon it'll be but a distant memory. But for now it sucks. 

Sigh of Relief

I went in for my appointment yesterday and received some good news! The baby is in the uterus and its heart is beating!! The heart rate measured at 100 beats/minute which the doctor said is slightly slow but still normal so I'm not completely out of the woods yet. He said that most likely the heart just started beating so it hasn't had enough time to

speed up yet. I googled it when I got home, of course, and some sites say at 6 weeks 90-110 is normal. Others say anything above 103. So basically my little bean is on the slow side of normal. I have a follow up ultrasound scheduled in 3 weeks just to make sure. But I think if he were more concerned he'd have me come back next week.  Im just choosing to believe it's fine! My measurements also showed that I was six weeks yesterday not tues so my due date is actually April 1st. I figured that's when it was based on when I thought I ovulated. My symptoms have returned!! Oh it's not fun!!! Luckily the nausea is not constant. Through out the day it comes and goes. That periodic relief really saves me! If I felt that bad 100% of the time I would go insane! I hope it eases up in a few weeks like it did in my previous pregnancies! 

Not Again!

I might be miscarrying again! Yesterday I felt sicker than ever and I was feeling so confident. I finally passed the 5 1/2 week mark (barely as I'm only 5 weeks 5 days but still!). Then I woke up this morning with very little nausea. I told myself it was ok because symptoms can come and go and it wasn't all the way gone just not as bad. Then during church I started cramping a little, but I've had that before so no biggy, right? Then I went to the bathroom and saw brown spotting!!! Ugh!!!! Noooooo!!! This can't happen again! It's very minor spotting but I've never had spotting that was nothing. Plus combined with the cramps and lessening of symptoms I'm just having a hard time hoping for the best. I do hope and pray that these are all a bunch of coincidences but I'm skeptical. I'll call the OB dept tomorrow. There is no way I'm going to the ER again for a possible miscarriage - that was a joke! Hopefully I get good news!!! I do feel kind of sick right now. Hopefully thats a good sign!