Duldrums

Warning! Downer post! I'm 7 weeks and here is how I'm feeling: like crap! I feel sick almost all the time and unlike my previous pregnancies I already have acid reflux and indigestion like crazy! I'm bloated and crampy and gassy and nauseous and exhausted. Today my head felt like it weighed a million pounds. It was so bad I cried. I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of not wanting to but having to eat all the time just to stay in control of the nausea. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being so fatigued that getting off the couch is a chore. I'm tired of my house looking like a bomb went off. I'm just tired. And I still have so much more to go! This pregnancy has been harder than the last two. And I have to admit that all these physical symptoms are really taking a toll on me mentally. I'm depressed (obviously) which makes me feel anxious. I'm still on the Zoloft but it doesn't seem to be touching this hormone induced insanity. I can't look forward or I get overwhelmed at how much time I still have left. I'm hoping that my peace of mind comes back as I start to feel better. Right now I just have to take it a day at a time and pray like crazy to be able to carry this burden well enough that I don't completely neglect my kids. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that this is hormonal and I just have to grin and bear it. I feel so bad writing all this because I am excited and thankful and all that. I just needed to vent. This is hard. Pregnancy is hard. I know it's worth it. I do. And soon it'll be but a distant memory. But for now it sucks.