Oops!

So, I had the baby about 4 weeks ago.... This blog is officially closed and updates on Tyler will be made on the regular Andreasen Family Blog. Thanks to all those who actually checked this blog and read my occasional (VERY occasional) updates.

To just kind of finish out the pregnancy . . . .

The last 6 weeks of pregnant life went so quickly. School kept me busy and third trimester misery hardly got me down until about a week before I had Tyler. In fact those last 6 weeks are kind of a blur. I know I was ready to have him, but still scared of the delivery. I know each doctor I saw told me he was small and would likely be past due (shows how much doctors know). I know each day of school grew more and more trying the closer I got to delivery, but some days I thought I would really miss my students (lets me honest, I haven't even thought of them since I had him). I know teachers started putting bets on how soon I would go and each day I came to school one or two would have to drop out of the race. I know that I thought I had all the time in the world so my poor sub had nothing, my room was in chaos, and Tyler was lucky to have diapers and a carseat. I know that I had absolutely no idea how much you could love!!

I will be posting the labor and delivery story on my other blog...eventually :)

Update - lots of writing, no pictures

I have people on a fairly regular basis remind me to keep a journal during this first pregnancy and every time I have this guilty feeling, because what started out as a great journaling blog turned into a failure. I apologize to myself, my baby, and all those who actually read this blog. Can I make one excuse? Kindergarten is sucking my life away!! Who has time to journal and blog when they spend every moment of their life enslaved to 27 five year olds? (Whom I do quite enjoy most the time so I guess I can't really call it enslavement, but you catch my drift). Anyway, here we go, my attempt at an update.

I am 38 weeks and one day today. As of my last doctor's appt (which was 5 days ago) I am 50% effaced, not dilated, the baby is still -3 centimeters from the birth canal (which apparently means the baby has yet to drop), the head is down, although his back is on my left side with his feet and hands poking into my right side, and I am measuring at 35 -36 centimeters. The heartbeat sounds strong and regular and all looks well. I've been having braxton hicks contractions fairly often that are completely painless and the only reason I notice is if I put my hand on my stomach. I still hardly waddle and for the most part feel really good for a 38 week pregnant woman. Tums have become part of my nightly routine and occasionally sneak into my day time one as well. I wake up often during the night for bathroom trips as this baby's favorite spot is my bladder, or to turn over. If he's not on my bladder, he likes to ball up as high as he can under my ribs so that I wake up to some uncomfortable back and side pain. But really, I feel good. I go to school every day and I can walk, I'm not too tired, I have a decent amount of energy - I'm happy. The misery of third trimesterdom has really not hit me that bad. I keep expecting it to get worse as they say its the misery that makes the labor and delivery almost a relief. Right now, I would say that I could hold off on the pushing and contracting for a while longer yet. Speaking of labor and delivery - I am scared out of my mind!! It still seems so unreal to me that I will actually have to get this baby out. The nesting instinct has yet to hit, I still haven't packed my hospital bag, the nursery is not done, the bassinet is still in a box, as is the stroller and carseat, all the shower gifts are still in their bags with tags on, surprisingly we do have diapers and wipes, but that is pretty much it. I'm in denial. I try to picture and imagine it, but all I see is a woman in the hospital bed with no face. I just can't get my face on there. I think at the onset of labor I will be in complete denial (well that or complete panic mode). I've watched live birth videos and they make me slightly sick. That's going to be me??? I can't even fathom. My only comfort is that millions of women do it, my friends have all done it, my mom, grandmas, aunts, cousins, and such have all done it. They all survived. I will too . . . . right? Am I afraid of the pain? Yes. Am I afraid of complications? Eh somewhat. Am I afraid of the unknown? I guess that's it exactly. This the unknown. I've never done this. I have no idea what it will be like, feel like, how long it will take, what to expect, nothing. I guess we just wait and see. Not too much longer.

In other news, we have FINALLY settled on a full name. Drum roll please. Our baby will forever be known as Tyler John Andreasen. YAY!! A name!! And now that I have actually written it all out for the first time, I like it even more. Looks good, looks professional, looks solid and steadfast. As some of you know, Mark had picked out Ty, or Tyler, a while ago and as it grew on me I decided it was a good fit and thus we had a first name. The middle name proved to be much more difficult than the first. We had decided that we wanted a J name for reasons I can't remember. I think just because a J name sounded good with Tyler. I don't know. We had thrown around James and Jordan. Mark just wanted flat out J or Jay which I would not even consider. Anyway, in kindergarten last quarter, we did a name project and as part of that project we sent home papers for the parents to fill out about how their child got their name, who named them, if they were named after anyone, any special meanings or reasons, etc. And as I read those papers as they came back I realized that my son had nothing special in his name, aside from the fact that it was his name and his daddy picked it out. Tyler means tile layer - woopee. Nothing really special there. He wasn't named after anyone. It was just a name we liked. So I sent myself on a mission to get my son a name to be proud of! I played around with Tyler Mark or Tyler David after Mark, but for some reason Mark really didn't want that. I threw around names that had meaning like Wyatt or James, but still nothing. Nothing felt right. Then finally I was talking to someone (I forget who) and they mentioned my dad's name - Thomas. Tyler Thomas...uh no. Just say it out loud once and you'll agree. It just doesn't work. But then I thought, what about my dad's middle name - John. Hey! Its a J name, it has a great meaning, and it comes from a great man!! (Apparently it has some ancestral significance too that I have yet to learn). John means God is gracious and it was the name of John the beloved and John the baptist - two of the most loved and respected of Christ's apostles/disciples. But even better to me is that he will have part of my dad's name - one of the best men on earth and a great example to follow! It just hit me how right that name was. It fit perfectly! Mark was good with it and thus a full name was born. I can't wait to try it out on little Tyler John when he is born!

34 Weeks

So, I've done a terrible job updating this blog and posting pictures of my tummy.  So here you go, here is the most recent picture.  Pretty big, I think.  Although, I get told almost daily by someone new how small I am.  "You're due in November?  Impossible!"  Quite possible, I assure you.  And my personal favorite, "You can't even tell you're pregnant from the back."  Well then, obviously you don't remember what I used to look like from the back.  People, my back, hips, and ever stretching skin can tell you that I am indeed having this baby soon.    

I have 6 more weeks left, give or take.  Hopefully give, being that my mom didn't schedule her flight down here until the day after my due date.  I think I need my mommy this time, Mark is as clueless as I am, if not more.  We are slowly but surely getting the nursery ready (pictures coming soon).  It makes me so excited!!  I just go in there right now and sit for a while.  Yes, I am going to be one of those weird parents that just watch my baby sleep.  I washed all the baby clothes and blankets that I have already in Dreft so its extra soft for my little boy.  Its so weird and fun to think that soon a little baby will be in those clothes and sleeping in that crib and be mine forever and ever!  

As far as pregnancy woes are concerned, I think I have been spared the horrendous ones.  All in all I am still feeling pretty good and can mostly walk normal.  I do have back and hip pain a lot of the time, mostly at night when I am trying to sleep.  I guess Heavenly Father planned it pretty well when he planned pregnancy.  I wake up every hour or two to turn over (which is a quite the process now a days) or go to the bathroom - which will hopefully prepare me somewhat for those night time feedings.  I don't really get heartburn, but I get some big time acid reflux and indigestion.  For a while there I thought maybe my morning sickness was coming back, but I learned it was just indigestion.  The acid reflux is just not fun, but luckily tums seem to help these lovely side effects of pregnancy well enough.  I do miss being able to pick myself up off the floor, get up off the couch or out of bed, and bend over.  Mark thinks its hilarious to watch me roll off the bed until my feet can reach the floor and I can pull myself up.  And when I drop something, I groan in displeasure that I have to somehow pick it up.  Luckily at school I have 28 five year olds who are more than happy to rush to my aid.  Mark isn't quite as eager. . . hahaha :)  I also miss breathing.  I find myself out of breath and dizzy for no reason.  However, all not so fun symptoms aside, I love being pregnant and feeling him move and knowing that soon he will be here with me.  Sometimes I feel like we play games.  I push down on a part of my stomach and he kicks or moves something across that spot.  Then I change spots and he follows me.  I do this for a while and I just love it!  I am so excited (well not for labor and what not) but to have him in my arms!  I can't wait!!!  

Baby Shower

One of the kindergarten teachers threw a baby shower for me and another teacher who is a month ahead of me.  It was so fun!  Here we are in the teacher's classroom.  I'm the one with the blue bags (the other teacher is having a girl - obviously).

Awww!  I love baby stuff!

I know I look ravishing in this picture, but I mostly wanted you to see my girth and I'm even bigger now and its only been a week!

More cute baby boy stuff!  I can't believe soon I will have a baby that will fit into that!

It was a great shower and I got a lot of great things from the awesome teachers at Riverside Prep!  Thank you all!

A Scare

It's been a while.  School started about a month ago and with it went all my free time.  No seriously, ALL my free time.  So anyway, I am 27 weeks and feeling great.  He was kicking like crazy, no swelling, no heartburn, everything was good.   A couple days ago his movement slowed way down, but that had happened before and within a day he was back to his normal self - so I forced myself to continue on with life and not worry about it.  However, the lack of movement continued yesterday and still today.  To further my worry I started having what I think were braxton hicks contractions and all the movements I did feel were lower than they had ever been.  Finally, we get to today and he would not move at all.  I ate and laid on my left side to see if that would get something out of him, but no.  I pushed and prodded and poked - nothing.  Finally we had to leave for the beach for a young men/young women beach trip and I told myself to just go and eventually he would move - wrong again.  I drank coke (and I hate coke) and laid down on a blanket - still nothing.  I ate more - again nothing.  So it had been three days of decreased movement and about half a day with none.  I was really starting to get worried.  I finally gave in and called Kaiser to see what I should do.  The labor and delivery nurse told me to go to the nearest Kaiser and get monitored which of course scared me even more.  I thought she might tell me to go eat or drink juice and lay down or something.  So I pretty much broke down right there on the beach and bawled like a baby while Mark and other wonderful friends got a GPS, some food, and a car for us.  I was also fortunate enough to be surrounded by men who could give me a blessing.  The nearest Kaiser happened to be the Bellflower medical center - a rather ghetto looking hospital.  It was about 30 minutes away and the whole ride over still no movement.  Anyway, ghetto or not, the labor and delivery people were great.  They got me right in, put on a fetal monitor and wouldn't you know it the kid starts moving like CRAZY!!  I felt like an idiot.  They kept saying things like, "Well, he's sure active now."  I promise this is the first time I've felt him all day!  I swear!  They did reassure me that I had done the right thing by coming in, but I still felt a bit embarrassed.  Anyway, embarrassed or not, I am glad I went in because it reassured me of many things - the baby was alive and moving, I had plenty of amniotic fluid, I was not having contractions, and I was not dilating (even though the doctor thought I might be because he was sitting extremely low - so I was right about that).  I think the blessing definitely helped.  I may never know to what extent, but I am sure it did.  So, the scare was averted and all is well.  The doctor said I have a very healthy pregnancy and all is as good as it possibly could be!  I am so grateful!  

So when I got home I googled the hospital trying to find pictures that would show its true ghettoness and lo and behold I find that Octomom had her babies there!  So ghetto or not - that hospital has quite the history!    

Half way!

I am officially past the halfway mark!!  I hit 20 weeks last Friday YAY!!  I am totally over feeling sick and even most food aversions - FINALLY.  I think I am finally starting to eat like a pregnant woman.  I have gained 10 lbs in the last 3 weeks - my doctor would be proud - and I don't seem to be slowing down any.  I also think I have finally joined the obviously pregnant club.  In the past couple days I have popped out a bit more than even my most recent belly bump shots.  Yes, ok, so I am still small comparatively, but for me it's big.  I have even had my fair share of unwelcome belly rubs.  I don't know - I never felt the need to touch another's belly, but to each their own I guess.  I have also started have back pain - not fun.  My new favorite pregnancy symptom is acid reflux - YUCK!!  If I lay down even 2 hours after I eat ANYTHING its up in my throat again within minutes and if I burp its one of those way way nasty throw up burps and sometimes I really think I just will puke.  Gross huh?  At least I don't have heartburn - I hear that hurts.  Baby movements come and go based on his position, I'm assuming.  Sometimes it feels like he is "hu-pa-choo"-ing (my brother's word for karate moves when he was a wee tike) in my body.  Other times I hardly feel him at all and I start to do the crazy paranoid thing and worry.        

Recently, Mark and I went to Babys'R'us and Target to check out baby stuff.  We pushed strollers and carried carseats- well more like hit, flipped over, ran into things, yanked around and threw strollers and carseats- to make sure they were sturdy.  I'm sure the employees of both Babys'R'us and Target loved us.  But hey I want to know that no matter what I put that stroller and carseat through - my baby will be safe and comfortable.  We also looked at play yards and swings and if I could I would have placed 50 lb weights in both and knocked those around a bit too, but I had to be satisfied with yanking, pushing, pulling and putting as much weight in them as possible with my arms.  However, I can say that I feel good about our selections - for the time being at least.  I did find the best, most comfortable glider ever invented and well worth every penny of the $400 it costs.  I am going to give Mark a heart attack.  But I say, if I have to be in that sucker at 3 am I want to be comfortable - got that!  I am still up in the air about cribs and nursery furniture.  The ones I want are all out of stock - boo!  Plus, Mark just doesn't understand that they all have to match.  If it were up to him our crib would be oak, our dresser would be cherry, and the changer would be espresso or something.  How can I explain to a man that the wood has to match?  He almost died when he saw how much a bedding set cost - I mean we paid FAR less for ours and it is twice if not three times as much material.  Dang stores know parents are suckers.  If I were any more domestic I would just make the thing.   

As far as names go, I am pretty sure we have narrowed it down to Tyler, Aidan, or Mason.  And more specifically Tyler and Aidan.  Personally, I think it will end up being Tyler, or Ty.  Mark is really set on having a name that can be shortened into a nickname and Tyler is really the only name that does that out of the names we picked.  It means tile layer...woo that's exciting.  I know name meanings don't mean much but how anticlimatic to be like 13 and look up your name meaning and find out it means tile layer.  Lame.  Mason means brick layer - so that's really not any better and Aidan means little fire, a little bit better, but not much.  We'll just have to give him a middle name that means something AWESOME!  I was thinking Wyatt - it means little warrior.  Tyler Wyatt Andreasen...what do you think?  Mark's cousin named her little boy Wyatt and he is adorable!  We'll see.  Just watch - we'll have 10 different names picked out over the next 5 months and then the baby will be born and we will pick out a completely different name.  When I was looking at girl names, way back when, I found one that meant husband slayer....can you imagine???

Anyway, those are my updates for my 2o week mark.  This is starting to feel really real and close!  YAY!!          

Movement!

Mark felt the baby move today!!  It was so fun and exciting!!  I've been feeling it move for a few weeks now, but mark finally felt it!!  We were just sitting on the couch and it felt like I could feel the movements stronger than usual so I put my hand over it to see if I could feel it and I could so I grabbed Mark's hand real quick to see if he could too and he did!  It was so fun I almost cried and laughed at the same time!  To quote Mark, "Is he trying to kick out of there?" Haha!!  This is one of the best moments of my pregnancy so far!!  

Belly Bump

Finally, the belly bump pictures are here!  This is me at about 18 1/2 weeks.  Strange thing is...I swear I look bigger when I look in the mirror, even my mom said so.  I thought the camera was supposed to add 10 lbs not take it away.  Hmmm.  Anyway, yes I am still small and all, but pants are getting too snug now and its about time to break down and buy maternity clothes.  Luckily for me, I have a very talented mother who made me three maternity skirts while she was here and bought me some maternity tops for a birthday present!  I have decided I love maternity clothes and I may never go back.  Flowy, stretchy, light fabric - it's the best!  

Looking at the belly shot... so sweet.

There's a baby in there!  A baby boy to be exact!

My awesome new skirts made by my mommy!

It's A . . .

BOY!!!!

We didn't get an actual picture of the boy parts, though I swear she printed one off...eh well.  Less to embarrass him with when he gets older I guess.  It was so fun! (well aside from having to drink 32 oz of water and hold it for an hour).  Luckily they called me in right when my appointment was supposed to start, so I didn't have to wait any longer - YES!!  So I laid there while she took all the exam pictures for the doctor and then I finally got to go to the bathroom, but only for 20 seconds, and though I thought there was no possible way I could pee for longer than 2o seconds... I guess with 32 oz of water in your bladder you can pee for way longer.  So 20 seconds was really just a tip off the ice berg.  (I know, you're really glad you know that now) and I was able to go get Mark and my mom (who is here to visit).  Up to this point she hadn't showed me anything so I was really excited.  So we all came back to the exam room and there it was..the baby!!  As with all past appointments and doctors, the lady commented on this baby's activeness.  I should have known it was a boy - so active and all.  It was so fun to see him move and to actually see a real looking baby.  We saw his face, his profile, his legs, arms, feet, hands, spine, heart (and heard it) everything!  And then she asked us if we wanted to know the gender...OF COURSE!!  So she moved and said, "Do you see?" and my mom and I instantaneously said..."BOY!"  It was really obvious!  She even pointed out all the little boy parts (I won't bother naming those...I'm sure you can figure it out).  It was definitely not a stray finger looking mysteriously like a boy part...it WAS a boy part.  My little boy!  My son!  Our Son!  CRAZY WE HAVE A SON!!  So here are some picture for your enjoyment.         

Profile shots.  You can see his leg in the picture above and Mark says he's smiling - which I think is so cute for Mark to notice and to think something like that.  I think he is too.  In the picture below up by his nose you can see a white blob, that's his hand.

This is a picture of the face... it is a bit blurry and still a bit alien looking.  The face is on the left.  You can see the eye sockets, a little nose and a circular open mouth.  He even has his little hand up under his chin...if you can see that.

It was so fun and I am so happy and grateful that everything looked good, strong, and healthy.  I am also feeling a lot better and hungrier!  YAY!!  They measured me at 18 weeks 5 days which is actually two days further along than originally thought.  And my doctor thought I was small... that'll show her.  They didn't change my due date since it was really close, but still.  Speaking of my doctor, I changed to an actual OB.  I think I mentioned before that the doctor I had was a family doctor and a resident at that which did make me a bit nervous, I admit.  And after the ultrasound they had me go speak to a nurse about a second trimester screening, which I declined, but anyway she was quite surprised that I had a resident family practitioner and suggested I switch, so I did.  End of story.  All in all it was a great appointment.  Everything went so smoothly and wonderfully!  What a great day!!  Now about names . . . . 

Ugh!

Ok.... I want to know why my morning sickness decided to return!  For a couple weeks there I was feeling great!  I even gained 4 pounds!  My doctor would have been so proud.  But this past week I am feeling sick again every night and if I don't eat.  What is up with that?  So, it's not as bad as the first trimester, but still!  I want to be pigging out.  The food aversions are even kind of back.  My What To Expect While You're Expecting book says that I should be getting hungrier.... not less hungry.  However, I do have this weird thing that I can eat a lot of what I don't make.  Weird?  If I make dinner I can hardly force down a moderate sized helping, but if Mark makes it or someone else I'm all about it.  I really don't get it.  Eh well, at least it is better than the first trimester and maybe it will be short lived.  

In other news, a week from today we find out what we're having!!!!!  YAY!!!!!     

Update

I still haven't taken any new pictures.  I have tried to take a picture of myself in the mirror, but it really hasn't worked, so I'll have to get Mark to take one someday here pretty soon.  Anyway, I will give a little update:

I am 15 weeks 3 days.  Yay!  I hardly ever feel sick anymore which is nice and I have hardly any food aversions.  However, I don't necessarily ever really feel hungry.  I am still waiting for the massive appetite to kick in.  I had my first craving: Mongolian BBQ.  I wanted it so bad but unfortunately the closest restaurant to our house was in San Diego!  I was about ready to hop in the car and make the drive down.  Why did my first craving have to be something I couldn't have?  How ironic.  I am getting more round ligament pains or growing pains now.  Sometimes they really hurt!  People keep asking me if I have felt the baby move yet and in reply I say, "I don't think so."  I feel all sorts of gurgles, pops, rumbles, flutters, and stretches.  But I still think I'm too early on and the baby is too small.  Who knows, maybe one of these days I will realize that all along some of those feelings was actually the baby.  I look generally unpregnant, although I have been unable to button my pants for a few weeks now.  I even went and bought a B band, or belly band.  They're wonderful inventions - seriously!  Just a piece of stretchy material placed over the waistline of your unbuttoned, unzipped pants, but wonderful nonetheless.  Friends have commented on my little pooch, but unless I'm wearing a tight shirt you would never know...and even then a stranger would never pick me out of a crowd as a pregnant lady.  I think I am growing wider before I grow out.  My hips are already expanding and my waist is nonexistent - so there ya have it.  I'll let the picture I'll post soon do most the talking.  

Today I had my 16 week appointment, a bit early, but close enough.  This was the magic appointment where I would get to hear the heartbeat!  However, Saturday night found me with a sore throat and by last night I was near death.  Stupid cold/flu.  I always wonder...how does your body create so much mucus?  And what nasty cells make muscles cramp and ache??  I want to breathe again!  I spent most my time last night blowing my nose or writhing in pain.  This morning I tried to call and reschedule but they had nothing.  So with 3 hours of sleep under my belt I took the advice of my mom to start practicing being a mom and suck it up.  I drove the hour long trip down to my doctor.  Fortunately, a hot shower and getting off my rear end took away a lot of the aches and pains and just left me with a minor headache (probably from lack of sleep) and a ridiculously stuffed nose.  Once at the appointment, my baby continued to be an acrobat.  The doctor could only grab little faint heartbeats for split seconds before the little booger moved and we lost it.  All I can say is this baby better cooperate on June 22 when we go in to find the gender.  So far he/she has been quite the evader.  At first I just thought she couldn't find it and I started to freak out a bit.  Especially after she said, "Hmmm I might have to do an ultrasound again if I can't get anything."  Ultrasounds are great...but I wanted to hear the lub dub!  Finally after 5 minutes (ok it was probably only 1 minute) she finally got a nice strong heartbeat!  This time I did almost cry!  I can't believe that that is inside me - living and growing!  She measured me too and said I measured in the norm, but I kind of caught on that I was on the small end of norm.  She told me my measurements were "ok" and that I would probably be getting a new due date come the 22nd.  Great - add more time.  Just keep your fingers crossed, maybe the baby will go through a growth spurt between now and then.  She also got on me for not gaining any weight yet, but said as long as I start gaining more by 20 weeks I'm ok.  I really don't understand how I could have a pooch, plus lose my waist and still have gained nothing.  Eh well.  I guess my goal is to pig out.  Now if only my appetite would cooperate.    

All in all, I feel pretty good (minus this ridiculous cold I currently have) and I am getting more and more excited!  Almost at the half way mark!  

Officially

Ok.... so really, I'm officially 12 weeks today - not yesterday.  I was just a little eager beaver to make the post.  

12 weeks

(This is long, so if you want to skip it and just get to the picture, scroll down to the end).

According to some, my first trimester is officially over!!!  YAY!!!  Then again, according to others it's not officially over until 13 weeks....so whatever I say it's over!  This is such a huge milestone for me!  I feel so grateful and blessed to have made it this far!  1/3 of the way done 2/3 to go.  I can do it!  In updates, I feel the same: still feel sick in the evening and at night, but feel good in the morning.  I'm eating a bit more, but still have food aversions.  I am showing more, well to me I am.  I think it's pretty obvious, but how many times have I heard my friends say that only to have me look them skeptically up and down and claim that they look exactly the same.  Now I know their pain.  I'll take pictures soon to prove it.  Anyway, the exciting thing is that I had a doctors appointment today.  First, we must travel back several weeks to understand my excitement behind this appointment . . . . .

 If you can recall, at my very first appointment, I was led to assume that I would be having an ultrasound at 5 1/2, 6 1/2, and 8 weeks.  Anyway, I had the 5 1/2 week ultrasound, which is when I saw the blackhole and white dot baby.  Then the day before my 6 1/2 week appointment I spotted a teeny tiny bit, enough to freak me out.  So I assumed for sure I would have an ultrasound the following day at my appointment.  However, when I came in, the doctor did a regular pelvic exam and said I wasn't bleeding anymore and that I was fine.  Then she informed me she wouldn't be doing the ultrasound after all, as I had just had one the week previous.  I know the baby probably hadn't changed much or at least as far as an ultrasound would pick up, but my worried little heart wanted assurance!  I wasn't about to get any, because the doctor continued by canceling my 8 week appointment and "assuring" me that I would have an ultrasound at 20 weeks!  WHAT????  20 weeks????  What had happened to all my ultrasounds?  I begged her to make another appointment earlier than that just to ease my troubled mind.  She relented and sent up an appointment for 12 weeks.  So for 6 weeks I lived with May 7th in mind.  I looked at youtube and google images of ultrasound pictures and videos at 12 weeks.  You could see everything!  It was so clear!  I read pregnancy articles about hearing the heart beat at 12 weeks.  In my head I formed this vision of what this appointment would be like.  The lub dub of the little heartbeat, followed by a small glimpse into baby's life and movement - so clear that I could see the little nose, the little fingers, little toes, arms, legs, everything!  In my vision Mark and I would be laughing and talking about how excited we were and how amazing this all was.  

So anyway, here we are, May 7th, 6 weeks and lots of waiting later.  In preparation to have my vision come true I begged and finally harassed Mark into getting a sub so he could come with me.  On the way down however, I got my first heartbreak.  Mark informed me he wasn't coming in the room with me.  I had informed him that I was still too early on to do an abdominal ultrasound and would likely be having a vaginal ultrasound.  Mark said he didn't want to watch all that happen, but said if they could hear the heartbeat I could send a nurse to go get him for that.  Ok, slight heartbreak mend.  Anyway, we eventually got there and waited and waited and waited until I was finally called to come in.  Once in the room I waited for another half an hour nearly ready to jump out of my skin.  Finally, the doctor came in and proceeded to ask me the normal questions and talk about my vitals and symptoms and then said, well, I will send in a nurse to set up your next appointment.  Wait.  What?  That was it?  I asked her about a fetal doppler, to hear the heart.  She said, "well, it's probably too early to hear anything so we'll wait and do that next time."  My heart sank.  So I asked her about the ultrasound.  Apparently she had forgotten that the whole point of this appointment was to have the ultrasound.  I nearly cried.  Luckily, however, she said that if that's what I remembered her saying she would get a portable machine up there.  Phew.  So I overheard her asking a nurse to go get the machine.  15 minutes later I finally heard the nurse say, "well, I have to go get an ultrasound machine."  15 more minutes later the doctor came in with the ultrasound machine and began the procedure only to find out that neither the vaginal or the abdominal stick thing were working.  I wanted to scream!  I had been in that room for 2 stinking hours and still had nothing to show for it.  What happened to my vision???  So she went back out of the room with the machine to see if any one else could get either probe thing to work.  As luck would finally have it, a nurse fixed the abdominal one.  Back in my room she came, with a warning that since I was only 12 weeks the chances of seeing much with an abdominal ultrasound were small.  At least I was getting something, and I have to hand it to the doctor for sticking it out through all this, especially when she hadn't planned on doing an ultrasound at all.  Thank you, doctor! :)  At this point my luck really began to turn.  Not only could we see it, but we could make out a little face, arms, legs, and even fingers!  It wasn't as clear as I envisioned or as big, but it was still a baby - my baby!  And even better - it was moving around like a maniac!  Kicking, squirming, rolling, flipping, punching!  It was so cute, I could have watched forever!  I'm just sad that Mark wasn't there.  The doctor did her best to get a good profile picture and a picture of the legs and arms, but she said it was moving around so much she was lucky to get anything at all.  We did get one decent picture of the profile, though it is kind of hard to make out.  Would it have been clearer with a vaginal ultrasound?  Much.  And although my appointment didn't quite turn out as I envisioned, I am just thankful for what I did get and that I was able to see it move and that it's healthy and strong and my baby!  It made it so fun, exciting, and real!  That's my baby!  Anyway, here is a picture of the profile.  I will do my best to explain what's what.  Again this is a picture of a picture.  We really need to invest in a good scanner.      

Ok so, the white circular thing, in the black hole, on the right is the head.  The white circular thing, in the black hole, on the left is the body.  And if you look really hard you can see a grayish blob on the far left of the black hole, those are the legs.  Ok so back to the head.  It looks kind of like Yoda to me, but if you look at the center of the head you can see kind of an elfish looking ear.  The face is facing the left, slightly up.  So if you look at the left, uppish side of the head you can see a black/gray indentation - that's an eye.  Then a little bit down a little black/gray blob - that's the nose (the nose and eye kind of blend together a bit.  You have to use your imagination).  A bit further down, a black line - that's the mouth.  And finally the jaw line which starts the indentation between the head and the body.  Did you make it out?  I can see it perfectly now that I've studied it and had the doctor point things out to me.  During the actual ultrasound it looked much clearer.  I even saw little fingers and the mouth open and close and it was just so cute I can't stand it!  I am just so excited and happy!     

10 weeks (and a little)

I am officially in the double digits!  10 1/2 weeks!  Why does it feel like everyone else's pregnancies move so much quicker - like my weeks are twice as long or something?  Although, last night Mark asked me if I was 7 or 8 weeks.  Excuse me?  Where have you been?  He was very surprised to hear he was 2 to 3 1/2 weeks behind.  So apparently time is moving fast for him.  I don't have much to update - I look the same and for the most part feel the same.  My hunger is increasing, which for me means I can finally eat something other than yogurt and crackers.  YAY!!  Some days are better than others.  Yesterday I hardly felt sick at all and ate a full dinner, chicken and all.  That's right.  I ate chicken.  Other days, however, leave me scowling at my food rather than eating it.  I have to say though that the good days are beginning to out number the bad days!  I may be coming to the end of this first trimester after all.  We get our 12 week ultrasound on May 7th - just a week and a half away.  I will post pictures then. 

The baby on the other hand is making lots and lots of changes.  Right now it should be somewhere between 1 1/2 inches and 2 inches, probably reaching 2 inches by 11 weeks.  What a big baby!  2 inches seems humongous to me.  I've been keeping track as this baby has gone from the size of the period at the end of the sentence, to the size of a blueberry, to the size of a raspberry, and now 2 inches!  It has separate fingers and toes, no more tail, and is growing a little face.  Did you know that each minute it develops 25,000 neurons?  I feel like I'm losing that many.  Yesterday at church I couldn't remember the young women's theme, something I have been saying since I was 12.  And at school I couldn't remember how to play a song I have had memorized for years.  Words escape me often and I find myself having blonde moments more often then not.  Come back brain!  All in all, I am happy that so far things are going so well.  Just a couple more weeks until we make this baby official news!  

8 weeks and 5 days

I am two days away from my 9 week mark, so I would just round up and say these are my 9 week pictures.  Right now the baby should be about 1-1 1/2 inches long and my uterus a bit bigger than a large grapefruit.  According to my little widget thing, my baby is starting to look a bit more human!  YAY!!  I am looking a bit bigger, but that could be bloat as much as it is baby.  And needless to say I am completely relaxed so I let it all hang out - that is as big as I could possibly be.  Let's just say its all baby :)  I happen to be one of those crazy people who want to show fast.  Though, I might change my mind once it actually happens and once I have to try to get it all back off, but for the time being - grow baby grow!    

A bit blurry, but it's closer.  What do you think - baby or bloat??  

In symptom news, I have been feeling much better since the 8 week mark.  I hope it sticks around.  I still feel sick, but usually it goes away once I eat.  I still have an aversion to almost everything, especially chicken and hamburger!!  UGH!  Just the thought.....nasty!  I am becoming a pregnancy induced vegetarian.  However, my appetite and energy level are also coming back little by little.  In another month I hope to be eating like normal.  Keep your fingers crossed that this lasts and I just keep getting better.  

Back to School

Today was my first day back at school as a pregnant woman.  Well I guess technically I was working from week 1-5, but I didn't feel pregnant then.  Now after a 3 week, spring break sabbatical I am back on duty at 8 1/2 weeks.  I managed to stay in denial mode until last night, then I started to get a bit scared.  What if I get sick?  What if I'm so tired I can't handle it?  What if I get so tired, it makes me sick?  What if I get so moody I yell at the kids for no reason?  What if I cry for no reason?  What if I don't have access to enough food?  What if I just can't make it through our ridiculously long day?  Now, I have been very lucky to have been spared the throwing up constant nausea thing and I have actually seen a decrease in the intense nausea in the past few days.  My appetite and energy are even slowly but surely returning, with bad days here and there.  But what if I had a bad day at school??  So last night found me praying with every ounce of faith I could muster that I would have the health and energy to make it through my first day back.  Prayers are answered!  Today was better than I could have imagined.  My high school students were almost pleasant!  I felt totally fine, as long as I ate, until 2:45 with only 45 minutes left of school.  I made it through all my classes with a smile on my face (although I did start to droop a bit around 1:00 - teaching is tiring business).  I can only hope for as much success my 2nd day.  Wish me luck!        

Special Day

This is a special day because I only felt sick for 2 hours!!!!  Food!  Glorious Food!  I ate today and liked it! 

Ultrasound

Today I went and had my first ultrasound!  The technician was very nice and kept telling me that I can finally cry tears of joy.  She looked around to make sure everything was ok and then showed me this:

I almost did cry tears of joy!  This isn't the best copy.  Mark took a picture of the ultrasound picture with photo booth - so this is a picture of a picture of a picture.  But you can see the little white spot which is the baby!  She even showed me the little heartbeat.  She said I measured at exactly 5 weeks and 5 days, giving me a due date of November 20th - just like I thought.  I am so happy and so grateful that everything is going so well and that the baby seems strong!  Keep the prayers coming!    

In other news, the pregnancy symptoms have definitely begun.  This baby better be strong!  I have morning sickness randomly throughout the day, sometimes all day.  I haven't thrown up yet (knock on wood) and I am thankful for that.  I am pretty much NEVER hungry and only eat because I know I have to - which at times eases the nausea and at other times makes it worse.  I am just waiting for the cravings to kick in (at least then I will want to eat something - even if it is pickles and peanut butter).  I also have a slight bloody nose every morning when I blow my nose, fatigue, moodiness/weepiness (just ask Mark), sore and growing body parts, and gas (even my ultrasound technician commented on my bloatedness)!!  I know - lovely isn't it?  However, I am grateful, because symptoms mean growing baby and I am willing to go through this for a healthy baby.  So there you have it.  Here's to 2 more months of first trimester misery!    

1st Prenatal Appointment

Nothing much to say about this appointment except it was exactly what I expected.  The first appointment is just the fill out the questionnaire, pee in a cup, donate half your blood to testing, and talk to a "prenatal intake nurse" for 30 minutes discussing your next appointments, your concerns, genetic screening, and of course your EDD (estimated due date).  They did assign me a new doctor - a family doctor, but she says she does prenatal and labor and delivery.  So technically she is not an OB.  I told her that I had some complications with my last pregnancy, and she just said, "Well, if they start to repeat themselves we will get you a specialist."  hmm... ok well ok.  What do you say?  The nice thing was that she was really eager today to please me so I got the beta hcg blood test I wanted, even though she said it wasn't necessary, and an ultrasound a week from today, then a week after that, then two weeks after that.  So I should be sitting pretty as far as ultrasounds go.  One more week and I should have some much better and more interesting news and maybe even a picture!  :)       

Second Chances

Day 2 and I am ready to turn myself into an insane asylum for the paranoid pregnant patient.  I told Mark today, "I wish I could go into a coma for the next two months.  That way I wouldn't have to think about this pregnancy or what I am feeling or what I am not feeling.  Just wake me up when we know he/she's alive and well."  I think I literally had a nervous breakdown this morning when a symptom mysteriously disappeared.  I am chalking that one up to the extra hormones.  Guess I can't really judge that psycho Octomom for freaking out when her son went missing and she was pregnant with 8 babies!!!  I'm barely even pregnant with 1 and I went psycho for pretty much no reason whatsoever.  If there was such think as a pregnancy 911 I just might have called it to be reassured that all was well.  So forgive me for my judgement and hypocrisy Octomom (although you are still psycho for numerous other reasons).  Anyway the symptom has returned and I learned via some pregnancy website that symptoms can come and go.  I also had a good long talk with Mark and a good long nap and I feel much better.  So less then 24 hours have passed and I have failed to live up to my motto:  Look unto Me in every thought, doubt not, fear not.  Thank goodness for second chances.        

4 Weeks and Counting

So one of my new, out of control ideas was to take pictures of my ever growing belly.  So here I am at 4 weeks.  Aside from the frightening hair and face, I must say I look pretty good :)  So here's to 9 months of increasing waist size!!

BFP (BIG FAT POSITIVE)

So here's the rundown:  Monday, March 9th, I started feeling my average PMS symptoms, minus a couple and with the addition of a couple new ones - that was actually what got me thinking - could this be it??  By Wednesday I was feeling pretty certain, but restrained myself from taking a test.  Thursday I asked Mark if he thought I could be pregnant - he said, "no."  Hmmmm.  I decided (secretly) to take a test that next morning to see who was right.  So after a sleepless night, I dragged myself out of bed at 4:30 am Friday morning, the 13th, (that's right - today is Friday the 13th - let's not read into that) and took a test.  I couldn't watch.  And then, "Pregnant."  It's real!  It's really happening!  I am pregnant!!    

I decided to play nonchalant and just see when Mark noticed.  I left the test on the bathroom counter where Mark would have to see and went back to bed where I, obviously, still was unable to fall asleep.  So I laid there until my alarm went off at 5:15.  Acting all tired, I rolled out of bed to take a shower.  When I was finished I woke up Mark and got back in bed to read my scriptures.  I kept glancing at the door or straining my ears to see if I could tell if Mark had seen the test and if he even cared.  I sat through his whole shower.  When he finally decided to grace me with is presence, he walked to the space heater and stood there.  Hmph!  Is he really that blind or could he really just not care?  Well fine, two can play this game, I thought.  I kept my eyes down, reading my scriptures, and secretly wondered who would stop this ridiculous showdown first,  HAHA!!  NOT I!!  Within a minute Mark was running at me like a linebacker.  I covered my stomach (I am already very protective) and waited for the tackle.  He jumped on the bed, hugged and kissed me, and said, "When were you planning on telling me, huh?"  It was beyond the response I expected and I was ecstatic!  If anyone knows Mark, they know that he isn't into big showy expressions of emotion and believe me, this was a bit abnormal for Mark - especially it having to do with pregnancy.  He has been extremely patient with my obsession, but I have felt it wear on his nerves a bit.  So needless to say, the excitement that I saw in his face and the love that he showed made my day even better!  We continued our morning ritual, the drive to work, the drive home from work, and our evening together discussing this new addition to our lives.  What about work?  Money?  Will we need a new car?  We need a fence.  We still have time for that.  Do you want grass?  We're jumping ahead of ourselves here.  Hey are you scared?  What if something bad happens?  This will be good.  Don't worry.  When should we tell people?  When should I call the dr?  Should we switch insurance?  Take a picture of me.  You are out of control.  Eat up, you are eating for two.  You started a blog?  Again, you are out of control.  Did you take your prenatal vitamins?  I don't want a deformed kid.  Will you give me a blessing?  I have to go to the bathroom again.  Etc etc etc.  Anyway, I have decided that I wanted to document this first pregnancy.  If something happens then it happens and I will document that too.  For now, I am excited to find the humorous, the joyful, and maybe the nerve racking and scary aspects of this new adventure in our lives.  Mark may think I am out of control, and I just may be, but hopefully someday we will look back on this and laugh and cry and remember.          

An Introduction (of sorts)

Most the people reading this blog will know that this past August, Mark and I found out we were pregnant after 5 months of trying (and a year more of me just wanting to try).  At the time we were currently moving into a new house and I was ecstatic!  I felt beyond grateful for the blessings in my life - a wonderful husband, good jobs, a new house, and a baby on the way!  What more could I ask for?  However, before the pregnancy could even get underway, I began feeling uneasy and worried.  People told me I was being paranoid and that more than likely everything would be perfect.  I struggled to agree and find the peace I earned for.  A week and a half into my pregnancy I started bleeding and after days of bad news, and moments of miracles, we lost the baby.  I was devastated, but knew that I could turn to the Lord for healing.  

The complications of the miscarriage made it so we were given a waiting period before we could try again.  Finally by the end of December we were given the go ahead and I launched into it with reckless abandon - ovulation tests, daily temperature taking, chart reading, day counting, research, you name it - I was involved.  However, after two months of let down I was done.  I was sick of counting, testing, and charting.  I was sick of the obsession.  I told Mark, "That's it - no more of this nonsense.  We are going to live our lives like normal people." And so I embarked on my new journey of independence.  I tossed the tests, hid the thermometer, and refused to write the days of my cycle on the calendar.  I began to plan a summer trip, agreed to work full time teaching kindergarten next year, tried to spend more time with Mark, and less time thinking about myself and believe it or not - it was working!  I was happy, I felt fulfilled, I was ok.  And sure enough, this is the month it happens!  After I don't know how many people told me that the sooner I got on with my life, the sooner I would get pregnant - here I am - pregnant!  Am I still worried?  You better believe it.  But I am trying to put my trust in Heavenly Father and leave that burden to him.  I know that I could lose this one too.  I know there could be complications again.  And for that reason Mark and I are being a bit more cautious and are keeping this wonderful blessing to ourselves for the time being.  However, I am also aware that more likely than not, this pregnancy will be fine and that the baby will be healthy and normal.  And I am striving to give up that worry and just have faith.  Today in my scriptures I read in D&C 6 where it says, "Look unto Me in every thought; doubt not, fear not."  There were several other good verses and stories, but that is my new motto!  So, here we go!  Our adventure to parenthood begins!