She's Here!

Clara Elizabeth was born June 14th. Birth story and all will now be on my family blog.

Picture comparisons

I had planned on doing this earlier so the weeks would be the same, but hey. I wanted to compare my baby bellies. The first picture is me at 34 weeks with Tyler and the second is me at 37 weeks with Clara. I know it's 3 weeks difference, but its still comforting that my 37 weeks picture is bigger than my 34 weeks picture since size has been such an issue this pregnancy. That's got to mean growth right?

Tyler

Clara

Finally!

So they never called, but I had an appointment yesterday and finally got the results of my ultrasound - AFTER I asked about it. He was all ready to send me out the door and I meekly asked, "ummm what about my ultrasound???" Oh yes, that thing I sent you in for to scare the pants off you. Well, he doesn't seem too worried anymore which is a good thing, but according to the numbers she still isn't really growing much. As of this last ultrasound she is in the 22nd percentile which is 12 percent lower than the first one. I know he told me 45th percentile initially, but apparently he meant 34th because that's what he told me yesterday. But he asserts that every ultrasound at this stage has a 10 percent standard deviation on both sides so she is probably fine. He didn't tell me anything about her measurements so I'm guessing if he's not too worried that they at least increased a little. He said he is not worried about a chromosomal defect, because if it were to show up, it would have showed up earlier, or IUGR as they have to be below the 10th percentile for that to be an issue. Phew! a sigh of relief there. He said most likely its nothing or a genetic defect - being a problem with her metabolism (aka liver, kidney, intestines, etc). But those are fairly rare so most likely its nothing, she's just small. Really small apparently. But I hold to me my belief that these ultrasounds are notoriously off. I've heard so many stories of babies being in these low low percentiles and then coming out quite average or vice versa, being in high percentiles and coming out smaller. He said that since her movement is good, which it is thank goodness, and I have no risk factors things are probably fine.

However, he went ahead and sent me in for an NST yesterday to check heart rate and amniotic fluid level. Good news is that she has plenty of fluid surrounding her and the nurse/technician lady giving me the NST said that usually if there is a problem with the baby or the placenta the amniotic fluid would be low so YAY! Another good sign! Her heart rate was a bit high, but she didn't seem overly concerned - just reminded me to drink more water. Her movement, like I said earlier, was also good, so good news all around. Pretty much at this stage we just wait for her to come. There is no way to know if there is a metabolic problem until she's born and obviously her size is pretty much a guessing game until she's here - so wait and see it is.

I am feeling a bit worried, but mostly confident that everything is fine. All signs point to a healthy (albeit small) baby. Good amniotic fluid level, good movement, healthy mommy, some growth (I think), and I remember at my last ultrasound the technician pointing out her bladder and tummy being full, which in my mind means she's at least giving that metabolic system a workout, and all her organs looked good at her level II ultrasound months ago and I don't see why that would have all of a sudden changed. All in all, unless there is a problem that has gone undetected, which does happen occasionally, she is fine. I'll be 37 weeks (full term!) tomorrow and as much as I want her here already, I want to give her as long as possible to grow grow grow so hopefully I'll go my last 3 weeks.

Don't Worry. . .

I feel better now. I had my night of freaking out and now I'm good. I still don't know the results, but that's ok. Two things happened. First, it seems like every time I feel I have a worthy cause to throw a pity party over, I find out about someone who has it so so so much worse and I kind of wake up and realize whoa what are you crying about? I had that happen to me yesterday twice and I felt terribly ashamed of myself. Ashamed of the stink I was making about something that wasn't even an issue for sure. Something that most likely would end up being fine. Ashamed that it took someone else's pain to show me what I had/have to be grateful for. So, I kind of snapped out of it and looked at my life and had a bit of a change of heart.

Second, I had an epiphany yesterday evening as I was driving home from work. I had been worrying about what ifs all morning and then at some point in the day I became too busy to think about what ifs and I forgot and stopped worrying. Then, when I got in my car and had gone maybe a mile a little thought came: "Hey, remember your baby might have something wrong with it." It was the strangest thing because it really came as a little voice like that. And then without fail another little voice said, "You don't HAVE to think or worry about this. Why choose to worry about something you have no control over?" It was almost like having a devil and an angel on my shoulders like in cartoons. Now, its not like I didn't know worrying was a choice or that I'd never thought of that before, but for some reason it was different this time. It really became a choice this time. I don't know really how to explain it. And hopefully the next time I have something to worry about (because believe me, I will find something else to worry about) I will be able to make the same choice. It was like I finally saw worry for what it was - a thing draining me of vitality and love and joy and I was able to erase it just like that. I really don't know how else to explain it. I don't know if it was just a little tender mercy for me when I needed it most or if I am finally starting to learn how to deal with my worry wart complex or both, but whatever it was I'm glad because since then I have been able to focus on the things that matter, the things I have control over. I am hoping for the best outcome possible for this little girl and I am grateful for experiences that wake us up and remind us what we have to be grateful for and the power we have over our own thoughts and feelings.

Follow up Ultrasound

I had my follow up ultrasound today. I don't know the results yet. Oh how I wish that they would just let me see a doctor so I didn't have to play this waiting game! I was able to see the screen this time (whether the technician knew it or not I'm not sure). At first I thought oh haha now I can figure things out on my own without having to wait! YIPEE!! Then after watching, I realized this was not a good thing. I figured out that on the screen it showed the gestational age for each measurement. I only figured this out towards the end so I only saw the last few measurements. But those last few measurements just fueled my worry. I know they take multiple measurements since there is so much room for error the bigger the baby gets so, like I said, I'm only going off the last few I saw, which probably isn't a good idea in itself. But nonetheless, I looked and I saw and now I'm worried. The measurement I saw for her head was 34 weeks and some days. Not bad. I am supposedly 35 weeks and 3 days so about a week or so behind, which I think is considered pretty normal (but we already knew her head was normal). The measurement I saw for her femur, however, was at 32 weeks and some days. That is quite a bit smaller. And thanks to google - or no thanks to google - a short femur length is a marker for down syndrome. Yay something else to add to my list of worries. I didn't catch a gestational age for her abdomen but I think I remember the cm measurement and from what I remember it put her abdomen at about the same gestational age as her femur - 32ish weeks - small again. Now I'm hoping that if I'm right about that measurement that her abdomen still grew. Since my last ultrasound was at 32 weeks and it was smaller at that time then a measurement of 32 weeks 3 weeks later would indicate some growth right? And yes, I do notice a lot of problems with my logic. First, I'm going off only the few measurements I saw. Second, I have nothing to compare it to since I never got the actual measurements from my last ultrasound so for all I know she could be growing right on target, just on the small side. And third, I could have read or understood these all completely wrong. Oh WHY DID I LOOK? There's a reason they usually turn the screen away from you. I want another level II ultrasound so I can have a real live doctor show me and tell me everything. UGH! Stupid Kaiser. This time when they call I'm asking for a detailed rundown of everything! I don't want to be left in the dark again. I hope they call soon. Oh please oh please call soon!

AHHHHHHHH!

Seriously this is getting ridiculous! Today I had a prenatal appointment and my measurements were "ok" and the heart rate was good. When I asked him about the ultrasound results he told me she measured in the 45th percentile. I'm not sure if that means weight, height or both. Anyway, that is a decent measurement. Then as I was waiting for the nurse to schedule my next appointment he called me back into his office and told me that while her head had measured fine, her abdomen had been small. What in the world!? Then why did the nurse call me and tell me that everything looked good?? She even said that she had a perinatologist look at it. She assured me several times that everything was good. So WHAT IS GOING ON? Again, I didn't have the wherewithal to ask him any of that or how small her abdomen was. All I know is that it's small enough to cause him some concern. And not sure if that's a serious concern or a "just in case" kind of concern like last time. Anyway, he did tell me that this could mean asymmetrical IUGR which is usually a problem with the placenta. Because the brain is a vital organ it gets the majority of the blood so the head grows, but the lesser organs (aka bowel, liver, skin, etc) get placed on the back burner and she doesn't develop as much fat. Another term is "chronically starved." Isn't that a lovely phrase? I'm gaining weight like crazy, but she isn't! Anyway, he ordered another ultrasound to check the growth of the abdomen. The poopy part is that you need at least 3 weeks between ultrasounds to get an accurate rate of growth so it won't be for about another 2 weeks. That is a much longer wait then last time.

The good news is that asymmetrical IUGR is better than symmetrical IUGR. Symmetrical IUGR is usually a problem with the baby and it develops during the beginning of pregnancy, while asymmetrical IUGR is a problem with the mother/placenta and it develops during the third trimester. Basically, her brain and major organs should be ok it's just me starving her and her poor lesser organs aren't developing like they should! Most the time the babies catch up in weight and height within the first year. As far as I read there are little to no developmental delays (since the brain is spared - actually it's called the brain sparing effect) and that most asymmetrical babies have an excellent long term prognosis. Labor and right after delivery for these babies is the scariest part. Because the placenta isn't working well, these babies have a higher chance of all sorts of complications and labor has to be monitored very closely. Apgar scores can be lower, they have a higher chance of spending time in the NICU and all sorts of other things. Sometimes, depending on severity and what not, a c section is the better option. Even then these babies have a harder time right after birth. Still birth and post birth mortality rates are also higher, but not by too much. I think as long as they monitor you closely you're fine. There are obviously chances that the organs that got kind of left out will have problems too, but over time those generally catch up and gain all normal function. Some studies show babies with asymmetrical IUGR have a higher chance of developing hyperactivity, diabetes, hypertension, and obesity, but if that is the case its just a higher chance and we can combat that with good eating habits and exercise. The other good thing is that if this next ultrasound does give her a diagnosis of asymmetrical IUGR I will be 36 weeks and some days so even if they do have to take her I'll be practically full term. Much better than the 32 weeks I was last time. I think induction is the usual course of action depending on the severity of the IUGR since she isn't getting the nutrients she needs from me and can get them better from the NICU. Sometimes I think they prescribe bedrest if it's not too bad. UGH! But being as far along as I will be it wouldn't be for too terribly long. All in all, it isn't the worst diagnosis in the world and for the most part babies with asymmetrical IUGR end up perfectly healthy and normal. I don't have ANY of the risk factors that can contribute to asymmetrical IUGR so hopefully this is nothing. I'm trying not to worry and I'm praying that her abdomen catches up and that this ultrasound shows normal growth and that this was another "just in case" from a very careful doctor. I am grateful that he is so careful and double checks everything. I'd much rather have these extra ultrasounds and deal with a little worry then have a serious problem get overlooked. She may be here sooner than we think - or may not. I'll know in a couple weeks.

The Long Stretch

Could my third trimester possibly go any slower? I'm 34 weeks todayish. Remember when I was 30 weeks? Yeah, me too. And that feels like an eternity ago - not just 4 weeks. Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to have this baby. I'm just going to be pregnant the rest of my life! Come on June. Get here already! The sad part is once June finally does get here I still have almost the entire month to wait. And I really do want to wait. As tired as I am of being pregnant I am not one of those women that reach 37 weeks and starts trying to induce labor. I have a firm belief that the closer to your due date, the better for your baby. There's a reason pregnancy goes 40 weeks. And that reason is not just to drive you crazy, although that is definitely accomplished in the process. At least at 37 weeks I can stop worrying about preterm labor. This girl is so low that sometimes I feel like she might just fall out.

Aside from the pregnancy doldrums I feel really good. My pelvic pain is gone, she moves, and because she is so low I can breathe pretty well. I mean really for 34 weeks I am doing good. I have a lot to be grateful for and then I get all bummed that I have six weeks left and then I get more bummed that I'm not enjoying every minute of pregnancy. Is it ok to not enjoy every minute of pregnancy - especially when your pregnancy is going so well? Shouldn't I be rejoicing and shouting my joy from the rooftops? Can't I be bummed and rejoiceful at the same time? Grateful yet ready? Happy yet bored? Cuz that's what I am. I am both of all those things. Well, I guess I can be all those things, I just need to focus on the more positive aspect of my pregnancy conundrums. So here's to six more weeks of an AWESOME, STUPENDOUS, FANTASTIC, MARVELOUS pregnancy. (and I really do hope it's six more weeks - no more no less).

Ultrasound Results

On Friday I got the results of my ultrasound. By then I wasn't too nervous anymore. I figured that had there been something wrong or at least something really wrong they would have called me. However, I still got a really nervous feeling when I saw the number on my phone. Luckily, everything looks great! Amniotic fluid levels, her growth, everything!! I am so grateful that she is ok! And I am so grateful for prayers! I'm getting so excited to meet this little girl!

Ultrasound Picture

It scanned in really small, but hey. You can see her little profile. So cute! There she is at 32 weeks and a few days.

Ultrasound Update

They called me yesterday to schedule an appointment!! What a relief! I was about to go insane thinking I would have to wait 48-72 hours just to schedule my appointment, which is what they initially told me. Ok Kaiser you have redeemed yourself. And even better: they were able to fit me in yesterday evening! Double points Kaiser. The only bad part: The ultrasound was with a technician, not a doctor, so I still don't really know anything. The technician said if there was something to worry about I would get a phone call in the next couple days, otherwise I would discuss the results with my doctor at my next appt. Which is in two weeks - boo. Patience is not one of my finer qualities. After tomorrow it will have been a "couple days" so I'm still kind of waiting in anticipation. I'm hoping that if something were really wrong, like something that could be causing the baby distress, they would have called me by now. That seems like a fair assumption, right? The fun part: I got to see her and actually got a picture this time around! I will have to scan it in so I can post it. She's really low - like I thought - and her head is down, which is good. He did say she had a strong heart beat! She is still moving quite a bit and that is usually a good sign.

In other baby news: I think I had some braxton hicks contractions today. It seemed like every time I stood up everything would harden up, but I don't know if that was my uterus or just the baby pushing against my stomach. I don't remember ever having any with Tyler so it's hard for me to tell. I've been taking it easy tonight just to make sure though.

I also have almost no pelvic bone pain today! YIPEE!! I can move!! I don't know why it has gotten so much better, if she moved, or it moved or what, but I won't question it. I'm just happy I can move without wincing in pain. Let's hope this sticks around.

Anyway, I will update more as soon as I know anything, which will hopefully be soon.

Ultrasound - - - Again

This baby is destined to give me premature gray hair. First, and far less important, my literal pain in the bum became almost incapacitating yesterday. Everything was fine in the morning, but at some point in the afternoon I did something that did something to my pelvic bone that made every single movement nearly unbearable. I spent the evening in tears as I tried to do things that only amounted to more pain. The tears continued as I was unable to do something as simple as lift my baby onto the couch to cuddle with me. Mark had to take over and do all the night time routines and put Tyler to bed. It's amazing what all of a sudden becomes important when you can't do it anymore. There were definitely nights previous to this that I wished Mark would take over so I could relax. Last night I realized how much it meant to me that I could be the one to brush Tyler's teeth, read him a story, sing him a song, rock him, and put him to bed with a kiss. I just cried and cried as I listened to Mark do it. So some of it was probably the hormones, but I started imagining what the next 8 weeks would be like if I couldn't do all the things that I was used to doing. That, obviously, brought on more tears. I finally went to bed to mope in my misery. It was some point after this that a streak of stubborness finally kicked in. I have 8 more weeks of this pregnancy, give or take, and I will not live like this. So I started practicing how to move, how to support my pelvic bone and tail bone so that the pain wasn't as severe. I also asked Mark for a blessing and prayed my own little heart out that I would be able to persevere through this and be blessed to know how to manage so I could still be my baby's mommy. This morning, though still in pain, things are better. I have learned a few new techniques that allow me to move more freely. I am so grateful that so far I am still able to get around and, for the most part, do things. I've even been able to pick up Tyler and play with him - albeit in a slightly modified manner. I hope that I will continue to learn and be able to work through this.

Now for the other news. I had a regular prenatal appt today and I had planned on focusing the majority of my appt on my pelvic pain and what to do about that. Well, she had other plans. The second the doctor started measuring and doing the outside palpations I could tell he was concerned. My heart sank - what now? He asked me how big Tyler had been at birth, how tall Mark and I were, how her movements were. He then told me that from his guess and measurements she was measuring small for her gestational age. He wanted me to go in for another ultrasound to check her growth and the amniotic fluid level. The water works were about to start up again. ANOTHER ultrasound? My little heart can't handle anymore scares with her! My immediate thought went back to my level II ultrasound that I had had earlier. Isn't measuring small a marker for all the defects they had been looking for then? Had they missed something? Was something actually wrong with her? As my mind swam, the doctor continued to tell me that it was a small suspicion since she was still moving well, but he wanted to make sure. ANd even if she did measure small, chances were she was just a small baby. So he left and I gathered my things all of a sudden horrifically aware of how menial my stupid pelvic pain was. Who cares about me! UGH! Life has a way of showing you what's most important when you start whining about something that's not. Anyway, pretty much what they are looking for is a problem called IUGR - intrauterine growth restriction. It could mean so many things it makes me want to scream. It could be nothing more than a small baby or on the other hand it could be a chromosomal defect (like the ones they were looking for earlier) or a problem with the placenta. It could also be something related to my health, but I don't smoke or drink and I don't have any of the pregnancy induced health risks such as hypertension, diabetes, etc etc - so most likely its one of the other three options. Now I just wait - - again. They said they'd call me within the next 72 hours to schedule my ultrasound, so I have no idea when it's going to be. Hopefully soon. And hopefully, like last time, it's with a doctor rather than a technician so I can find out DURING the ultrasound what's going on rather than having to wait longer for someone to call me and tell me. I am so ready to have her and have all this drama over with! I know there are different things to worry about once she's here and believe me if there is something to worry about, I'll find it. But I just want her here! Not early of course, but I just want the next 8 weeks or so to go by fast. I pray that she's just small and that everything is fine!

Aches and Pains

May I whine for a minute? I am having the worst pain in my bum - literally! It starts in the middle of my bum and radiates toward my right side. Its the worst when I stand up or sit down or when I straighten up after leaning over. Lately its started to hurt too when I roll over or lift something (aka Tyler) or just when I've been walking for a while. Ok lately, its been hurting almost always. Luckily I can still pretty much function, I just work through the mild constant pain and let out a good solid OUCH when a certain movement sends a stabbing pain through my bum. I think this may just be par for the course when it comes to this pregnancy. Only 8 more weeks to go (approximately).

Did I also ever mention how strong she is? Some of her jabs, kicks, and rolls are downright gasp worthy. Especially if I'm crouched over. Boy, she lets me know it then! I sit up straight or I don't sit at all apparently. Apparently she doesn't think she has enough room and is trying to stretch her home farther than it's bounds! Again, par for the course this time 'round.

All the aches and pains aside - I'm so grateful she moves a lot! And I'm grateful that these are the things I have to whine about. There are so many worse things that can happen in pregnancy. I'm so glad I can still do everything I need to as a mom and wife and homemaker. Bring on the next 8 weeks!

30 Weeks!

I am officially on the countdown. Yesterday this baby turned 30 weeks - giving me 10 weeks left (give or take). Everything is going well. I had my 30 week check-up today and received my rhogam shot. My doctor said my uterus is as high as it can go and now I'll only grow out, rather than the up and out that I've been doing for the past seven months apparently. I am carrying a little differently with her (at least I think, as far as I can remember). I remember carrying Tyler a bit higher and more out. So far she feels lower and more in, but maybe that will all change in the next 10 weeks. AH! 10 weeks! In some ways that seems so short, in others - soooo very long. I need to start getting all the newborn stuff out and washing them. Time to break out the good ol' carseat, pack and play, swing, boppy, and bouncer. I'm pulling the same denial I had with Tyler. I finally bought her a couple outfits so she won't lay around naked when she arrives. Tyler has definitely helped me stay a bit more spry this pregnancy. I can still squat down with ease. Ok maybe not ease, but I can handle it ok. It is getting harder to get up and down and put on my socks. Good thing its warming up and I can wear slip ons and sandals. She is still moving a lot, but hasn't quite found a pattern that suits her. Sometimes its more in the morning, sometimes more at night. I hope she settles for the morning so that when she comes she is already used to sleeping at night. That would be awesome. And that's about all. Let the count down begin!

3 Hour Test

Today I went in to take the 3 hour glucose tolerance test. I was kind of nervous. Everything I read online made it sound like the test from H- E - double hockey sticks. Aside from being long I didn't think it was too bad. I didn't even get dizzy or anything. Thank goodness!! I brought my labtop and head phones and watched movies, so even the wait wasn't too bad. I have been kind of out of it the rest of the day and a little nauseaus, but I assume its just my body working all that sugar out of my system. For the 3 hour test you drink a drink with twice as much sugar. My drink had 100 g of sugar in it! That's probably more than I generally eat in a whole day. I hope that's more than I eat in a whole day - that's A LOT!

The good news: I passed! And I passed by a lot too. I was never even close to the cut off numbers. Woohoo!! My hour mark result was even lower than yesterday's one hour test result. ANd I had twice as much sugar....hmmm.... not sure how that works, but I'm glad I don't have gestational diabetes!

I Failed :(

I had my gestational diabetes screening today and failed :( I kind of had a feeling that I would, but I hoped that I was just being weird. I did everything I could to try and avoid a positive on the test. All day yesterday I only ate whole grains and proteins - no fruit, no sugar, nothing. Then for breakfast this morning all I had was eggs and cheese. I looked back at my test with Tyler and barely passed. I got a 127 and the cut off is 130. And I did have a bit of a sugar problem towards the end of my pregnancy with Tyler. Not a big one, just a "watch your sugars" kind of a thing. So I should have known. Today I got a 134 - which technically is not bad.... some doctors only care if it's over 140, but whatever. So tomorrow (or Saturday, I haven't decided which yet) I get to take the lovely 3 hour fasting glucose tolerance test. I'm not looking forward to it. Who makes a pregnant woman fast and then guzzle straight sugar? I am a bit worried as to how my body will react. The 1 hour test has never affected me in any way, so hopefully this won't either. Oh the joys of pregnancy! Hopefully everything will turn out normal this time around.

I was also diagnosed with anemia during this check up. Good news all around today :) That's not that big of deal. Just have to take some iron supplements. In fact, I'm thinking that it may make me feel even better and more energetic! That would be awesome! I have been feeling a bit rundown lately. The only not so lovely side effect is constipation. Guess I'll just have to up the fiber intake.

Aside from that the baby looks good and healthy. I'm measuring right on track at 27.5 weeks. She is moving tons and its quite powerful! Sometimes it even hurts. I do remember it sometimes hurting with Tyler, but not quite this early. I'm glad that she is such a mover though. Gives me reassurance. Aside from being a little bit more tired than usual I've been feeling pretty good. I still get nauseaus occasionally, but not too bad and usually eating helps. I wonder if that is related to the anemia as well. hmm? And that's about all. A few more days and I'm officially in my third trimester! Yay!!

Success!

I slept last night!!! I guess it was just indigestion. I took ALL the advice the nurse gave me from switching to Maalox to waiting 3 hours before I laid down to eating only bland, boring food to taking small, teeny bites and chewing til it's basically nothing to propping myself up with pillows at night. Today I'm a little gaggy feeling, but I think that its part of this whole indigestion thing. I will be taking some maalox soon. I guess this is just something different about this pregnancy and I will just learn how to deal with it. I'm just SO SO SO SO thankful that I was able to sleep last night!!

Pregnancy Induced Colic - Continued

Last night it lasted for 5 HOURS!!! I was awake from 12 - 5! And it still kind of hurts. Last night it ended up getting pretty bad. I was really really uncomfortable and sometimes the pain was so bad it made me cry. What the heck is wrong with me? I called my OB this morning and left a message. His nurse called me back pretty quickly and told me it was probably indigestion and to take maalox or mylanta. She also told me if it happens again tonight to call labor and delivery and see what they say. This is some intense indigestion if that's what it is. I am pretty much uncomfortable ALLLLLLLL day with an increase in discomfort at night. Does indigestion ever stop??

I feel like a total hypochondriac even writing this part, but I am a little concerned that it might be gallstones. It runs in my family.... and they all got it in their 20's. When I looked up gallstone symptoms they pretty much matched what I've been going through, but it did say also that the symptoms mimic indigestion and heartburn. My grandma says it sounds like what hers felt like at the beginning. I would just like to know BEFORE it gets really bad. I'm more of a preventing person than a repairing person. I'm sure doctors hate being asked for tests with the educated opinion of google as a source, but would it be that big of deal to just check my gall bladder just to make sure? If it happens again tonight I will ask labor and delivery and see what they say. I sure hope it just disappears!

Pregnancy Induced Colic

I am writing this post at 1 o'clock in the morning. What? 1 o'clock in the morning? Yes. 1 o'clock in the morning. And this is now the third night in a row that I am up at 1 o'clock in the morning with the same problem: Pregnancy induced colic. That is my medical term for whatever it is I am currently experiencing. For three nights in a row now I have woken up at precisely midnight to use the restroom. Afterwhich, I immediately have pretty intense upper abdominal pain - much like you would have if you had a HUGE gas bubble - no make that 100 HUGE gas bubbles. Yet these gas bubbles won't pop and refuse to be burped out. So I lay there for two hours trying desperately to get comfortable. No position helps, no burping helps, no tums help. It's just sharp pain for two straight hours. Then around 2 it disappears as promptly as it arrived and I can drift off to sleep. Hense the term "colic." An unexplainable pain that arrives at exactly the same time every night, lasts for the same amount of time every night, and that has no known cure. I have pregnancy induced colic. No wonder babies that have colic are so miserable. I want to tear to midsection out!

Unfortunately, my newfound discomfort does not allude me during the day. It's not nearly as severe, but it seems as if my pregnancy went from comfortable and easy to uncomfortable and hard over night. For the past three days I've been bloated beyond imagination. My stomach constantly feels distended and every time I sit I feel like my lungs will be pushed out of my chest, through my throat, and into my mouth. Right now my uterus is only a couple inches above my belly button. I still have 15 weeks of growth left here people! How could I possible already be feeling like the baby's head is in my chest? Laying down or standing only slightly alleviates the issue. It has also worked its way into my back where I feel like I have to permanently arch my back in order to walk around. This is not a good sign for lies ahead. Being the worrier that I am, I wonder if this is a problem, feeling this way suddenly and pretty much constantly. Google has failed me. Bloating and pregnancy are perhaps the two worst words you can put in google search as pretty much EVERY pregnant woman has experienced bloating. If only I could put: "sudden extreme bloating during the day leading to intense gas pain keeping me up at night and pregnancy." Doesn't fly. Oh I hope this is a phase!!

Dear Baby,

Stop scaring mommy! If you're going to allow me to feel you move, then do it consistently. Going days with little to no movement is nerve wracking - even this early. And would you please move up a little higher? I know my uterus goes at least up to my belly button now, you could hang out up there. I'd probably even feel you move better. I mean really, it's a win win situation - I'd feel you move and I wouldn't have to pee all the time. I even bet there is a bit more room for you, what with no hips, or pelvic bones, or bladders in the way. In return I'll tell your brother to lay off on using your current home as target practice for all his kicks, punches, and pushes. I'll even make sure he doesn't use your home as a trampoline. Really we are working on it. It's just that my belly is a really convenient and soft landing spot and he's really into belly buttons right now and has yet to learn how to be soft. Don't worry, we're working on that too. Hopefully by the time you arrive he'll have it down.

Love, mommy

Mark the Stubborn

After much, and I mean MUCH, deliberation (aka exasperated arguing) it is decided that none of the afore mentioned middle names will suffice. It is Elizabeth or her name will be Claire. Those are my options: Claire and I can pick the middle name or Clara and Mark picks Elizabeth. Even with that, he still threatens to call her Claire as a nick name. If he does....grrrrr! I've never met someone so dang set on a name! Just watch, after all this we're going to change our minds at the last second. Well, actually I doubt that. Not with Mark the Stubborn around. The only one he even paused on before saying "NO" was Clara Rose and that was only a brief pause, and he might have been yawning or something. Who knows.

I like Clara Elizabeth, I just thought it was long. I wanted to be able to yell it when she was in trouble. Haha! Tyler John is so easy to say when Tyler's in trouble. I'm sure I'll learn to get my mouth around it. :)

MIDDLE NAME!!!

AHHHH! Picking a middle name for this child is impossible. Well, picking a first name hasn't quite been a picnic either. Mark likes a total of 3 girl names: Jennifer, Elizabeth, and Claire. Thanks for the plethora of options.... I like Claire, but it's too popular right now for my taste so I suggested Clara, which I decided I like better anyway. So now our fight is Claire vs Clara. I've already decided I've won so I refer to her as Clara as much as possible to get it into Mark's head. If he says "Claire" I graciously add the "a" on for him. Don't worry, I fill out the birth certificate. Although, as Mark reminds me, HE gives the blessing. Anyway, I think we'll go with Clara...I just have a motherly instinct about that. However, not as many middle names go as well with Clara as they do with Claire. We did talk about Elaina or Elizabeth, but I've decided those are too long. Seriously, say it all together with Andreasen and you feel like you're talking for an hour. Clara Elaina Andreasen....just writing it takes forever. Clara Elizabeth Andreasen...phew! I think I have a hand cramp. I really like that I can say Tyler John and its nice and short. Clara needs a nice short middle name. So I ventured online. Good ol' Google. So here is what I found and what I think sounds good, or sorta good.

Clara Lynn (but do you think it sounds weird and rhymey with Andreasen??)

Clara Jane (or is that too close to Tyler JOHN? I mean if my kids went by their middle names they could be in a 1950's children's book).

Clara Cristine (or kristine or Christine) That's my middle name, the Cristine one.

Clara Ann or Clara Marie (both middle names are middle names of my sisters)

Clara Rose (or is that too many "r's"?)

So those are my favorite as of now. We'll see what Mark the Picky thinks.

Half way

Yesterday I hit the 20 week mark. Half way! I just hope the second half goes as fast as the first half, which I think it will. Now I know for sure that I have a girl to plan for. Time for PINK! So not much to update. I feel her move on a fairly regular basis - some days more, some days less. On my more days I can feel something at least hourly. On my less days I can go hours before I feel a little pop and then hours again with nothing. I know she's still so small that she has to be in just the right position to get a good solid kick in. I love it though! I love my more days most! Its so reassuring and fun to feel her move. I still look small - no surprise there. My weight gain has been quite minimal as of yet. I'm just waiting for it to start piling on like it did with Tyler around this point. If you know I'm pregnant you can tell, but to random strangers I probably just look like I throw back a few on a regular basis. I'm not in maternity clothes yet or anything. Just wear my belly band and force my regular shirts over my belly. I have started to wear a couple maternity shirts/dresses. Maybe I'll get to posting a picture here soon. And that's about it. I'm hungry, rarely rarely gaggy anymore. I can still move easily and bend over easily. Pretty much I'm in the most comfortable stage of pregnancy and I'm enjoying it!

The Good News!

After 4 days of waiting (which I know really isn't that long - it just felt long to me) I had my appointment. I saw the geneticist first. Why do they do that to pregnant women? I had pretty much been able to stay positive and brave up until I talked to her. Trisomy 18 isn't even hereditary. Its a fluke. Yes, its a genetic defect, but it has nothing to do with family history or what genes have been passed on to me or Mark. She told me what I already knew about choroid plexus cysts and their rarity and what they could mean and yada yada yada. That's what google is for - not some frightening trip to a geneticist. And yet, some how she managed to make my 1% chance of trisomy 18 seem much more common and much more likely, while reassuring me it was unlikely. How do they do that? Pretty much I left her office more afraid then when I came and proceeded to cry in the waiting room while waiting for my ultrasound. People probably thought the worst and all that had happened was a "nice talk" with a geneticist. I glared at pregnant women smiling at their ultrasound pictures. Just you wait til you get to talk with a geneticist!

However, this is when the scary stops and the reassurance and happiness comes in. Luckily I had dried my tears before they called me back, but I think the high risk dr could still sense my anxiety. The first thing he said was, "Just so you know, I think this is a mean way to stress out poor pregnant women for no reason!" AGREED! He continued to tell me that they had only seen one cyst on my baby and cysts in growing fetus's mean pretty much absolutely nothing. They have more fluid floating through their ever growing and developing bodies then they know what to do with and its almost for sure that at some point they develop a "fluid bubble" (aka cyst). It just so happens my baby's appeared during an ultrasound. So they sent me in for a level II ultrasound and scared the pants off me for basically nothing. Yes, the baby could have other problems, but most likely she was fine. I wanted to jump off the bed and hug the man. Why didn't the geneticist say that?

Anyway, he continued with the ultrasound and pointed out everything that he was looking at. He said the heart looked fine, the bowels looked fine, the feet looked fine, and, get this, he said he couldn't even see the cyst! He said it might be there, but it was small and he really wouldn't worry about it. I even saw him write the word "gone" on my medical chart. Yay!! Prayers are answered!! He was really nice and even made sure it was a girl for me since I was still unsure. Don't worry, it's a girl. No doubt about that. So, at the end he told me like any baby there was still a chance something was wrong, but from what he could see she was healthy! He even advised not to get an amnio (I wasn't going to anyway) because the risk of getting one wasn't worth it. Whereas, the geneticist told me it was super safe and only 1% of women have complications (aka miscarriages). I left feeling so much better and so so so so so so so so so grateful!

I do have to say that I felt an overwhelming since of support, love and faith coming from all my family and friends who knew about this little scare. I am so thankful for their thoughts and prayers and especially grateful for a blessing from my husband that gave me a lot of comfort and reassurance. I am thankful for prayers and miracles and blessings!

The Call

I got the call you never ever want to get after an ultrasound. I have to meet with a geneticist and have a level II ultrasound on Thursday. Apparently the baby has a choroid plexus cyst or cysts on her brain. I guess most babies have these, but they only become a problem if they measure a certain size or bigger and only 1-3% of babies have that. The worst case scenario is that this could indicate trisomy 18, which is generally fatal. I think it can also be marker for regular down syndrome too. However, luckily most the time, about 99% of the time, it's nothing and the cyst(s) go away on their own and the baby is fine. For me, a chronic worrier, this is hard, even with the amazing odds. I've spent time crying and feeling her move and wondering what if.... I hate what ifs. It's almost surreal to feel her move and think that there could be something wrong with her. Something that could take her away from me. But NO! I refuse to think like that! I can't! More likely than not she is perfectly fine! I just have to be positive! I can't ruminate in what ifs. I am going to ask Mark for a blessing and luckily I only have to wait til Thursday for the ultrasound. Hopefully they'll be able to tell me right there and then what's going on. I will lean on my family and my Heavenly Father for support and strength. I know they will give it to me! I will update more on Thursday when I find out more.

It's A . . . .

GIRL!

Well most likely.

From the get go the technician was having problems getting this kid to stay still long enough to get the pictures she needed for the radiologist. I was in there probably twice as long as I was with Tyler. She told me that every time she tried to take a picture of the head, she shook it. And every time she tried to get a picture of the abdomen she would roll over. Yes, she's a stubborn one. Anyway, after a while she let me go get Mark and my mom. That's when we started the hide and seek game. The baby was rolled up into a ball, with her legs crossed. Could you get more modest? And yet somehow, in that fetal position, she was still able to move away from the ultrasound wand anytime we got close to a decent shot. The technician finally got a few glimpses and said, if she were to guess she would guess girl. I would too from what I saw, which was legs, bum and nothing. Tyler was so much easier! He had those legs spread wide for all to see. The technician was super nice too and went to get another technician to get a second opinion, because I wanted a sure answer. The second technician had a hard time too, but said she got a split second of a good shot and would say girl too. So, most likely, it is a girl.

We also didn't get any good pictures, thanks to her evasion skills. The technician said she couldn't even get a profile shot :( She was front facing or back facing, whatever her preference was at the moment, but she wouldn't turn on her side. The technician even had me turn on my side to try and get her to roll over or move or uncross or SOMETHING! But, no. So unfortunately, I don't have a picture to put on here. But, I was able to see all the limbs, fingers, toes, face, heart, organs, everything! She looks wonderful!

To be honest, it has taken me a while to get used to thinking this is a girl - a real live girl. I was more in shock or disbelief afterward then anything. I was so sure it was a boy that I practically had our life with two boys planned out, so now I have to retrain my mind! Haha! I felt bad that I wasn't bursting with excitement all the way home. But when we got home my mom pulled out a little girl sleeper she had hidden in her suitcase and I almost died from cuteness! The excitement is growing!

As far as names are concerned, we like Clara for a first name. Elizabeth or Elaina for a middle name. So we'll let that sit and see what happens.

Yay for baby girls!!

Finally!

I made it! I finally had my appointment! And I almost didn't. Yesterday I had a mild yet annoying version of Tyler's stomach flu, so naturally I hardly ate anything all day. The lack of food made me ridiculously light headed and dizzy this morning. So much so that I had to get out of the shower with soapy hair and sit on the floor, head between my knees, dripping wet while Mark got me a banana. Luckily the dizziness abated somewhat and I was able to make the drive. I had a midwife, as my doctor was out of town, but she was very nice. We listened to the heart beat and she said it sounded great! And when I told her I was a little worried about the baby's size since I still look exactly the same and haven't gained an ounce she went and got an ultrasound machine, even though she wasn't planning on it! She did it quickly just to measure so I don't have a picture, but I saw the profile and it was moving! She said it measured just fine and that everything looked great! I measured at 15 weeks 5 days, but she said it was a bit curved so it could be even bigger. Yay!! Next appointment: January 25th the big ultrasound! I can't wait to find out more about out little baby!

Appointment Fail

The weather is conspiring against me! It's snowing! Yes, here in Apple Valley, it is snowing and even sticking! I had to reschedule my already rescheduled appointment that I was supposed to have today. Next try - this Friday. Keep your fingers crossed.